Rousse searches underground Theseus-style

Posted on June 18, 2011 by Dreamaticus

I ran along Market Street past grand Georgian houses in pursuit of VE. When she ducked into Oxford Circus tube station I lost sight of her.  As I pondered what to do next, an old man and a blind woman approached me. The man handed me a ball of string for the purpose of tracing of my route through the underground. He also suggested that I seek sponsorship of my quest in order to raise money for the Royal British Legion. I eventually found VE waiting on a platform. She was still wearing one of the Hebridean hats that she had stolen from me.

Back at work it seemed that I was the only one who insisted on going naked. I could tell that AC disapproved. Even so, he helped me supervise the three little girls, including the deaf one: she was missing a right ear. It took a while before we realised that childcare was not our job. Shouldn’t pre-school children attend nursery, rather than university?

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Rousse’s Darth Vader impersonation reaps rewards

Posted on June 17, 2011 by Dreamaticus

The all-female committee smiled and listened as I spoke. Nobody – not even LR-J or BR – challenged a single of my ideas. This was great! Normally I would be ignored.

A little later the sun came out and cast a frightening shadow across the hall. Who was this Darth Vader in our midst? Surely it was not me? I then understood why everyone had earlier indulged my off-beat suggestions. Although it was mid-summer, indoors I’d been wearing my black fleece balaclava helmet. The others had therefore concluded that I had finally flipped, and determined that the best way to handle me was to agree to my every whim.

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Belle the heiress and a clumsy Will Young

Posted on June 14, 2011 by Dreamaticus

Several distant aristocratic relatives died unexpectedly and I inherited £100,000. There was no way I was going to tell anyone about this sudden good fortune, but I did treat myself to a new skipping rope.

At the Eurovision obstacle course competition, the British competitor (was that Will Young?) made several false starts and then tripped up on the starting line.

In the Bermondsey tunnel I was helping to set the long table for 1000 diners. I was distracted by the second hand furniture hawkers. Could I shop and wait table simultaneously?

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Vincent Price, gun play and spaghetti hoops (Belle)

Posted on June 13, 2011 by Dreamaticus

Desperate to impress, I told the man that my friends were living in Vincent Price’s cinema. I promised to take him there even though I knew I couldn’t navigate my way through the labyrinthine corridors and tunnels.

It was obvious to everyone that I was intent on hurting myself or someone else. Why did I keep handling and dropping that loaded pistol when I should just have kept it in my holster?

Was this pasty man really going to be my new boyfriend? My impression that he was creepy was justified when later his two pale children crept downstairs to eat spaghetti hoops on toast. Were they imprisoned in the house?

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Plane crashes on take-off at Scottish airport – Rousse’s sister unhurt

Posted on June 10, 2011 by Dreamaticus

The plane crashed on attempting take-off at a Scottish airport. My sister J was amongst the passengers. She’d only been away for one night. Although she survived, in the chaos she lost all her belongings, including her ID, so had nothing to prove who she was for the forthcoming exams. She eventually returned home, retired to her bedroom, and declared that she would be taking a whole year off before sitting her A levels. In the short term she was devoting herself to the study of risk. Meanwhile I went back to my own room to organise my stamp collection.

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Camels and elephants spotted in British coastal waters (Rousse)

Posted on June 9, 2011 by Dreamaticus

Although it had become rather shabby, so far there had been no good reason to redecorate the rooms at the back of our flat. The kitchen was serviceable (provided that you remembered that the hob on the oven could never be completely turned off) and the extension provided somewhere quiet to sit. There was no point in suggesting a revamp to TPR because one simply wasn’t necessary – until the day that a gust of wind blew the whole extension off the back of the building.

Very quickly my plans for a new conservatory transformed into a business case for opening a tea room. We could also transfer our shop into the same premises rather than keep it at the other end of the fishing village where we lived. Unfortunately the shop staff were not so keen. Equally, the P family, including their newly adopted baby girl, showed little interest in the plans. RP and her brother G were more intrigued as to how we managed to fry potato scones on the semi-defunct oven hob.

Later we walked up to the village, stopping only to help some tourists with directions to Ben Learg. I was astonished how quiet it was everywhere, then realised that I rarely came this way on weekdays because I was always so hard at work. We stood high above the harbour and looked out to sea, hoping to catch sight of some seals, or possibly dolphins. At one point I thought I spotted a whale, but I was mistaken. Instead three black camels emerged from the water, followed by a family of elephants.

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London university appoints controversial vice chancellor, conference acrobatics, and a flood (Rousse)

Posted on June 8, 2011 by Dreamaticus

Emerging from my slumbers to a soundtrack of the Radio 4 Today programme I was very surprised to hear mention of an external colleague’s name. The big news was that DW had been appointed vice chancellor of one of the London universities! In my opinion this was appointment entirely well-deserved, so it was very disappointing that this news was presented as controversial. I screamed at the interviewee who ranted that the job should have gone to someone with qualifications in a “proper” subject.

Later I attended the opening of a massive conference in London. It was lovely to see other external work colleagues there, including SG with whom I conducted a little dance across the stage before the first session opened. The place was packed and I left it too late to watch the opening act in the auditorium. Instead I took a place next to my school friend HP (now HH) to follow proceedings on a big screen behind the stage. When the opening keynote turned out to be a troupe of acrobats I was extremely grateful not to be in the main hall. Some naked, the performers strapped themselves into harnesses, flew across the auditorium, then plucked bewildered conference delegates from their seats to join the mid-air spectacle.

When I got home again I found TPR sulking because I had not watched the acrobats with him. I followed him into the bathroom to apologise. There we hit a huge wall of water: someone had forgotten that he had left the bath running…

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Illuminated underwear and time travel (Rousse)

Posted on June 7, 2011 by Dreamaticus

Texan DT organised a private disco as part of our tour to the US. With one exception all the girls were there (including ED, JW and NP). We missed SJ terribly, but appreciated that she needed to stay at home to save up for her forthcoming wedding. When we took to the dance-floor the bright lights illuminated my pale blue chiffon ra-ra skirt. I regretted wearing the white knickers which showed through the light fabric, but I was in the company of good friends, so it didn’t really matter that they could see my underwear. When it was time to leave we gathered up the chocolate truffles on the mantlepiece to eat later.

Of course during my stint in the US I was removed from TPR. However, I had discovered a form of time travel. If I concentrated really hard I could transport myself to where he was, even though we maintained timezones appropriate to our locations. So I next found myself on a coach full of programmers travelling home from some work event. For them it was mid-afternoon, and for me it was almost midnight.

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Top toys for Christmas 2012 (Rousse)

Posted on June 6, 2011 by Dreamaticus

The hottest Christmas present this year was to be a new games console costing £180. It came preloaded with three exciting games. Unfortunately a design flaw meant that the whole device expired the moment that the three games had been played just once.

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The Apprentice’s Natasha Scribbins vainly attempts to save Rousse from expenses claim hell

Posted on June 5, 2011 by Dreamaticus

The domed railway concourse was packed. I sat on a bench surrounded by a mixture of old friends from the University of Birmingham, as well as a couple of school friends. In conversation it emerged that KM (now KC) had suffered the recent dreadful weather in the Outer Hebrides, just as we had done. The running club girls were there at the back too, all ready in their gear for a quick run around Edinburgh. Unfortunately I was not able to join them on this occasion.

Every now and then a pack of brightly dressed cyclists surged into the hall – but not on wheels, because cycling on the station concourse is forbidden. Instead they jumped off their bikes at the doorway, then carried them aloft from one end of the hall to the other before leaping back on again. This appeared to be some form of circuit training for them.

Soon it was time to catch a train. TPR hurried me along. I wasn’t sure that TPR had identified the right service, but he didn’t care: he just wanted to get moving. Inevitably we found ourselves on the completely wrong train, heading for Devon via Glasgow. In our hurry to leave at the first opportunity at York my bag burst open and all the papers that I had been carrying, including months and months of precious expenses receipts, were scattered along the length of the carriage. The Apprentice’s Natasha Scribbins made an attempt to help gather everything up, but there really wasn’t enough time to do so before the train was due to leave York for its next stop.

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