Rob Brydon’s second mother (Rousse)

Posted on October 27, 2012 by Dreamaticus

When Rob Brydon’s name cropped up in the conversation yet again HJ commented that it sometimes felt like he was just another of her own children.

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Gothic goings on (Belle)

Posted on October 26, 2012 by Dreamaticus

It was past midnight and I had no idea why the dog and I had been socialising in this part of town. Walking up Ludgate Hill we were suddenly plunged into complete darkness and I had to feel my way forward. Soon we were illuminated by a street lamp and I saw the dog pick a street fight with a black cat. At the top of the hill people were socialising and drinking on the castle battlements while the chorus from a South Bank Show belted out a choral number.

I took a black cab home, but the driver took me via Birmingham and the fare was extortionate. I complained that £30 was twice the cost of a mini cab, but the driver said passengers with dogs – no matter how small – paid double.

I tumbled into bed and dozed. Only half awake, I saw a bat swoop through a tiny gap in my bedroom window. At first, I hid under the duvet but then I trapped it in a green vase and carried it outside.

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Redundancies at the Great British Bake Off (Belle)

Posted on October 25, 2012 by Dreamaticus

This week the Great British Bake Off contestants were being asked to ‘know’ French and wait on tables in a fancy restaurant.

Brendan Lynch had been given a particularly awkward customer, who wished to be ‘in and out in an hour’. This challenge was made even harder by the staff being called into the manager’s office half way through service and being told that redundancies were inevitable. The men were be to retained and the women were to become school dinner ladies.

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Rousse revisits Russell Square sandwich days

Posted on October 24, 2012 by Dreamaticus

We sunbathed in the grounds of the stately home all afternoon without realising that University pals JS, KH and SB were just metres away.

When we eventually noticed the three of them JS said that we shouldn’t be so surprised. It was just like the old days when we used to meet to eat our lunchtime sandwiches together in Russell Square.

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Rousse rides the Irn Bru bike

Posted on October 24, 2012 by Dreamaticus

TPR thought £500 was an extortionate amount to spend on one night at a hotel – no matter how posh it was – as did I, so we were both astonished that CO and AM had booked in for an entire week.

We were also intrigued with the antique bicycle that CO had brought on holiday with him. It was an extremely rickety model from the early twentieth century. Painted black, it sported an Irn Bru logo in the form of an iron shield just above the front wheel. When I had a go at riding it the handlebars came away from the frame. There was a special skill required here, and I didn’t have it.

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Belle recruits Rousse to speak about strokes (Rousse)

Posted on October 24, 2012 by Dreamaticus

Belle was in a complete panic. All her plans for the AGM had gone to pot and now she was without a keynote speaker. When she approached me in tears I knew that I had no option to volunteer for the role.

With only a couple hours of notice this was an enormous challenge. What on earth would I speak about? Belle’s only request was that my presentation should include mention of TM’s six strokes.

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Ed Milliband deposes David Cameron in commons revolt (Rousse)

Posted on October 23, 2012 by Dreamaticus

I was one of 650 engaged in a parliamentary simulation. A voice at the front of the hall shouted instructions and each of us then took our place as instructed. We’d just completed a commons revolt, which left only four “MPs” in the central square, with everyone else braying at the sidelines. Ed Milliband “deposed” David Cameron as prime minister by taking the podium at the front.

While I quite enjoyed the simulations, I was becoming frustrated not knowing everyone’s names. I therefore decided to make an effort and befriend those standing closest to me. I started off gently with a name guessing game.

“You’ll never get my name”, said a young man in his twenties. I was convinced he was called Nick, but eventually I was forced to admit that he was right. How would I have ever reached Parbold without his help?

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A transatlantic upgrade (Rousse)

Posted on October 23, 2012 by Dreamaticus

I was dreading the journey: a transatlantic flight in economy. As soon as the fasten seat belt sign went out I made my move for the on-board lavatory, as did many of my fellow passengers. Rather than wait in a queue in economy, I pushed through the heavy curtains into business class. The cabin was barely half full, and when a small blonde stewardess spotted me she rushed over to offer me a seat.

Apparently I was just the “type” for business class, even though I had only paid the economy fare. If I were to accept her offer, here I would be given a huge reclining seat and access to the tables and computers at the back of the cabin.

Unfortunately TPR did not make the minimum entry requirements, and he was doomed to remain in economy.

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Chocolate compensates for a disastrous first date (Belle)

Posted on October 22, 2012 by Dreamaticus

This was a disastrous first date and I had resorted to hiding in the toilet to plan my escape. Things got even worse when my date’s ‘cleaner/girlfriend’ let herself into the flat. A drop-dead gorgeous multi-tasker, she managed to do the washing up, curl her long blonde hair and stare at me disdainfully all at the same time. “It will never last”, she said to me. “I really don’t want it to”, I replied.

Things got better later when I discovered the taste-sensation that was a segment of Terry’s Chocolate Orange eaten with a square of mint Aero.

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Yes offers treats for tweeting (Rousse)

Posted on October 22, 2012 by Dreamaticus

As we walked across the tarmac and into the terminal I saw a couple about to board their flight. At least in his sixties, he wore a brown leather hat pulled down over stringy hair dyed blue black, his face obscured by sunglasses. His companion was a blonde woman in her forties. All the signs were that this was a once-famous pop star and his girlfriend about to take to their private jet.

Only one of my own friends had ever travelled in such style. In recent years HJ had become friendly with the members of 1970s progressive rock band Yes. As a special treat, she was sometimes invited aboard their private jet. All that was expected in return was that she would tweet their news.

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