‘Men at Work’ and a treasure trove (Belle)

While walking past New Cross Gate bus garage I saw something sparkling on the floor near a ‘Men at Work’ sign. Stooping to pick it up, I immediately realised I had found a rare ‘old mixed platinum’ bracelet and my future was secured.

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Hairdressing and surgery (Rousse)

While J enjoyed pampering at the hands of the visiting office hairdresser, her partner N was undergoing an intimate surgical procedure at the clinic. “You’d never persuade me to go into hospital for THAT!” said TPR.

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Jane Garvey lies about her student days (Rousse)

Jane Garvey broadcast to the world from her little desk. It was incredibly low-tech, but this was all she needed as the voice of BBC Radio 4’s Woman’s Hour.

I was always on the look-out for any references that Garvey might make to her undergraduate days at the University of Birmingham. When she said on air that as a student she lived in a house without central heating I gave her a hard stare. “OK”, she confessed, “I exaggerate. It was always nice and cosy at the Manor House”.

Later I asked Garvey whether she would welcome programme ideas from listeners. She replied that this was encouraged so I passed on two suggestions straightaway. First, I thought it was high time that Woman’s Hour ran a feature on the early retired. Second, I wondered whether the BBC might be willing to fund some research on public libraries.

Later Garvey showed us around her modest bedroom. There was barely space for a single bed. The only clue that this was the home of the renowned broadcaster was a Radio 4 programme schedule sellotaped to the flimsy wall.

See Jane Garvey elsewhere on Dreamaticus: Jane Garvey acrobat commentary, bad taste in clothes, and slum living (Rousse).

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Rob Brydon’s second mother (Rousse)

When Rob Brydon’s name cropped up in the conversation yet again HJ commented that it sometimes felt like he was just another of her own children.

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Gothic goings on (Belle)

It was past midnight and I had no idea why the dog and I had been socialising in this part of town. Walking up Ludgate Hill we were suddenly plunged into complete darkness and I had to feel my way forward. Soon we were illuminated by a street lamp and I saw the dog pick a street fight with a black cat. At the top of the hill people were socialising and drinking on the castle battlements while the chorus from a South Bank Show belted out a choral number.

I took a black cab home, but the driver took me via Birmingham and the fare was extortionate. I complained that £30 was twice the cost of a mini cab, but the driver said passengers with dogs – no matter how small – paid double.

I tumbled into bed and dozed. Only half awake, I saw a bat swoop through a tiny gap in my bedroom window. At first, I hid under the duvet but then I trapped it in a green vase and carried it outside.

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Redundancies at the Great British Bake Off (Belle)

This week the Great British Bake Off contestants were being asked to ‘know’ French and wait on tables in a fancy restaurant.

Brendan Lynch
had been given a particularly awkward customer, who wished to be ‘in and out in an hour’. This challenge was made even harder by the staff being called into the manager’s office half way through service and being told that redundancies were inevitable. The men were be to retained and the women were to become school dinner ladies.

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Rousse revisits Russell Square sandwich days

We sunbathed in the grounds of the stately home all afternoon without realising that University pals JS, KH and SB were just metres away.

When we eventually noticed the three of them JS said that we shouldn’t be so surprised. It was just like the old days when we used to meet to eat our lunchtime sandwiches together in Russell Square.

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Rousse rides the Irn Bru bike

TPR thought £500 was an extortionate amount to spend on one night at a hotel – no matter how posh it was – as did I, so we were both astonished that CO and AM had booked in for an entire week.

We were also intrigued with the antique bicycle that CO had brought on holiday with him. It was an extremely rickety model from the early twentieth century. Painted black, it sported an Irn Bru logo in the form of an iron shield just above the front wheel. When I had a go at riding it the handlebars came away from the frame. There was a special skill required here, and I didn’t have it.

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Belle recruits Rousse to speak about strokes (Rousse)

Belle was in a complete panic. All her plans for the AGM had gone to pot and now she was without a keynote speaker. When she approached me in tears I knew that I had no option to volunteer for the role.

With only a couple hours of notice this was an enormous challenge. What on earth would I speak about? Belle’s only request was that my presentation should include mention of TM’s six strokes.

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Ed Milliband deposes David Cameron in commons revolt (Rousse)

I was one of 650 engaged in a parliamentary simulation. A voice at the front of the hall shouted instructions and each of us then took our place as instructed. We’d just completed a commons revolt, which left only four “MPs” in the central square, with everyone else braying at the sidelines. Ed Milliband “deposed” David Cameron as prime minister by taking the podium at the front.

While I quite enjoyed the simulations, I was becoming frustrated not knowing everyone’s names. I therefore decided to make an effort and befriend those standing closest to me. I started off gently with a name guessing game.

“You’ll never get my name”, said a young man in his twenties. I was convinced he was called Nick, but eventually I was forced to admit that he was right. How would I have ever reached Parbold without his help?

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