A massive Manchester mansion (Rousse)

TPR urged me to get out of bed. We had lots to do to prepare before the arrival of our guests. This was no time for a lie-in. I glanced at the clock and saw that it was only 05:30am. However, obedient as ever, I followed TPR’s instructions and was soon downstairs helping him hang wallpaper (even though I disapproved of the colour scheme – navy blue and eau de nil, ugh!)

We’d only recently moved into this enormous house in Manchester. Located opposite a beautiful park, yet in a supposedly run-down part of town, it was so big that it included an old chapel within its walls. Poor TPR had done nothing but decorate since we bought it, and now I was beginning to regret the move. We certainly didn’t need this amount of space.

Then I remembered what had happened. We had bought the house from our friends J and GC as a favour. I wondered who would do the same for us when the time came for us to move?

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Rousse sees off a rival

PC and I were finally reunited after thirty-one years apart, and I was delighted.

We had known one another since aged 7 at primary school right up to the point that we took our A levels in 1981. Now PC was working for a London-based charity that supported visual and performing artists, educated the public in the arts, and promoted the arts, and I was an academic in Edinburgh.

We came across one another again at an event on interaction design. PC wanted to set up a project in Edinburgh, possibly with the involvement of the art college. I saw my chance for us to renew our acquaintance and offered to help. PC seemed interested – hurrah!

The only problem was a rival suitor in the form of a senior design academic from another institution. His ears pricked up on hearing our plans and he beetled over from the other side of the common room to join in our conversation. This was a disaster: he would steal PC and our proposed project!

As my sense of panic rose, PC winked at me. With this I understood that the project would be ours, all ours, and ours alone.

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Viking farm challenge and a spot of sewing (Rousse)

My moustached Moldovan lover and I followed the route to the next stage of the challenge. All the other competitors were queuing up to test their skills at reversing the enormous red tractor on the farm just outside Aberdeen.

When our turn came, I climbed up into the cab and immediately felt travel sick. From high up in the cab the tractor moved like a ferry bouncing across a north sea swell. I had to be evacuated – fast!

Instead I was offered the hammering challenge. Here you were expected to bang nails into chunks of log. This didn’t suit me either.

It wasn’t until I spotted the sewing challenge that I found my métier. The farmer’s ancestors were Vikings, and this was the home of the famous Sjörn brand. There was a need for someone to help with creating, and then packaging up, stacks and stacks of red and white Sjörn labels. I happily set to work on the first batch of 25 for New Zealand.

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Another PhD and the police (Rousse)

I successfully defended my second doctoral thesis so it was now entirely legitimate for me to call myself Dr Dr. However, the celebrations would have to wait because everyone had rushed outside to watch the extraordinary activities of the police on the street below.

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A morning movie, confectionary choices, and a strange site for seaweed (Rousse)

I watched BC’s latest movie in the campus cinema at the bottom of the tower block. As usual, I didn’t quite understand the whole thing, but very much enjoyed the experience, as did BC’s other fans. At the film’s conclusion we were invited to queue up and choose something to eat from a small pop-up shop in the corner of the room. It was 05:00am and almost breakfast time, so I decided to take a cereal bar. Unfortunately so did many others, and by the time my turn came to pick my confectionary I had to opt for my second choice: a fun-sized Twix.

A budding PhD student followed me out of the cinema and up the stairs, hopeful for a chat in my office. I apologised that I didn’t have time to meet because I had to rush off to my Hebridean swimming/sailing/walking class.

A greater priority, however, was to get rid of the seaweed that had taken root inside my mouth. This was an unexpected side-effect of almost a whole week of water sports on the Isle of Lewis. I was too embarrassed to admit to this odd marine plant affliction.

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William Morris book design determines undergraduate reading habits (Rousse)

Now that the degree results had been published it was time to prepare for the graduation ceremony on campus at the University of Birmingham. Of course, TPR would be in the audience as usual, and I invited my nephew P and niece A as additional guests. I assumed that everyone else in my year had also done well and would also be taking to the stage to pick up their certificates that afternoon.

But what about MT? While TPR was in the pub, I peered into her study bedroom next to mine to see if I could find any evidence that she would be graduating too. We’d been neighbours when children and she’d been better known at primary school as a “good fighter” than as a scholar. It was quite a surprise that she’d gone on to higher education, and as things turned out she’d barely turned a page to study as an undergraduate. Unless granted the “exemptions” that she bleated on about on a regular basis, H, S and I could not imagine that she would ever collect a degree on the same day as the rest of us.

By the time TPR got back from the pub (a failed visit – the only others there were far too shy) we had only 15 minutes to reach the ceremony. I now had second thoughts about taking him along with me. With his long hair, unshaven face, and tatty clothes he really was far too scruffy to sit amongst all the proud parents and robed graduands in the Great Hall.

Instead we ended up in the main library on campus engaged in a long conversation with two of the staff. They first approached us to tell us off for talking, but became more friendly when they saw that I was wearing a black T shirt from the Swedish School of Library and Information Science at the University of Borås. While the woman deplored the continued closure of library schools up and down the UK, I admitted to the man that my choice of reading material was always determined by book cover. Anything that merely hinted at the arts and crafts movement in its binding was soon in my grubby hands. Indeed, most of my reading material as an undergraduate was based around a set of random texts I had assembled from the new book display in the library entrance. All that these publications had in common was that they featured William Morris designs across their front covers.

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Children and the dangers of thin ice (Rousse)

The children boasted that the ice was so thick that they could walk across the frozen river. I asked them to demonstrate, my camera at the ready. The first girl placed her booted foot onto the supposedly solid ice, fell straight through, and disappeared into the dark watery depths. All that was left on the surface was the weak trail of bubbles of her final breath.

A man nearby dived in to drag her out again. Pulled from the icy water, her body limp and her face blue, she breathed once more – just.

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Unappreciative Christmas guests (Rousse)

The flat was bursting with visitors, the majority of whom were students with nowhere to stay over Christmas. There were two shy Chinese girls and one Chinese boy, a Korean boy sporting a huge mop of jet black hair, a red-haired American lad, and a French school girl called Chantal. My colleague EH was sleeping on the futon in the study, and B the dog made his bed in the porch (where I feared he was probably too cold).

Overnight they set to and vandalised our property: they painted pictures directly on to the hall walls that I had white-washed the previous day; they signed their names in huge lettering all over the squirrel wallpaper in the sitting room; they wandered all around the house with plates of food, dropping crumbs everywhere; they encouraged B to climb into one of my purple suede boots, where he soon got trapped.

I had to haul TPR out of bed to get him to convey our displeasure at our unappreciative visitors’ behaviour. I couldn’t do this myself because I had lost my voice. TPR dressed in a white shirt with his University of Birmingham tie and jacket to look the part of the disgruntled host.

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Body-shrinking elevator now operational in Manhattan (Rousse)

TPR and I began a new life in New York, where we rented a fully-serviced apartment on the 42nd floor of a gleaming steel and glass Manhattan skyscraper. Released from all the everyday ties of our old life in the UK, here we could do whatever we pleased. It helped that a small army of five immigrant workers visited us every day to attend to our every need, including all the housework.

Our building had been designed to incorporate all the latest gadgets. The latest innovation was the space-saving lift that shrank the bodies of their passengers to fit. I was now quite used to watching TPR slip down from 6 foot to 5’5″ for the short journey up the building to our flat.

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A lost lunch date (Rousse)

“See you tomorrow”, I called to JT as I climbed out of his car. He confirmed the lunch date and then drove off.

Just after 1pm the next day, TPR and I realised that we had forgotten all about lunch with JT. We needed to contact him fast, first to say that we were on our way, and second to confirm his address.

While I hunted through my limited wardrobe to find a dress to wear for the meal (I wasn’t sure whether this counted as a work or a social event), TPR tried to phone JT on his mobile. We soon discovered that we had no way of reaching our lunch host. JT had disabled texts on his phone, and had set up a ludicrously long voicemail to discourage others from leaving messages for him.

I wondered if the number we had was for work, and whether JT used a different one for close friends? I instructed TPR to call EMc to see if he knew another way of contacting JT. By now, however, I was pretty sure that our lunch date was off.

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