‘Fantastic Mr Fox’ remake stars famous information scientist (Rousse)

Posted on May 29, 2024 by Dreamaticus

Former Professor of Information Science BC showed off his acting talents when he played the lead role in the remake of Fantastic Mr Fox.

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‘Eau de Dr Who’ is ‘L’essence de David Tennant’ (Rousse)

Posted on May 29, 2024 by Dreamaticus

The new scent ‘Eau de Dr Who’, sold in Channel No. 5 bottles, was found to be mainly ‘L’essence de David Tennant’.

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Sailor ditches assets in bid to fake 9/11 death (Rousse)

Posted on May 29, 2024 by Dreamaticus

A lack of sailing qualifications was apparently no barrier to buying a yacht, especially when the owner was in such a hurry to sell. Our new boat came with a lower deck stuffed with smaller vessels, and a resident black and white tabby cat and her small litter of kittens.

We managed to sail the yacht to the southern tip of the island. Here we enjoyed several days in the sun.

It was on the day that the police boarded the boat to arrest us that we first heard the rumour that the previous owner had been disposing of his assets quickly. This was the first part of his plan to fake his death as a victim of the 9/11 attack in New York.

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An octogenarian nun, a mysterious discharge, and a handsome school teacher (Rousse)

Posted on May 21, 2024 by Dreamaticus

A kind nun working in Accident and Emergency treated my mysterious discharge.

As we were thanking her, she made a surprising revelation. She was a former school mistress, having completed teacher training in the 1960s alongside TPR’s father.

She felt compelled to pass on this information when certain that she recognised her former fellow student’s good looks in his son. She also wanted to correct the misassumption that octogenarians have no useful function in society.

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A directionless police officer in Florida (Belle)

Posted on May 14, 2024 by Dreamaticus

It was my first day on the job as a newly qualified police officer in Florida.

I’d pulled over a vehicle for a traffic infraction. The driver stepped out of the vehicle and took off running. I radioed for back-up and the dispatcher asked “which direction is the suspect running?” and I realised I had no idea. Northbound? Westbound?

I had a compass in my pocket for just such an occasion. Only then did I realise I had failed to watch the YouTube video ‘How to use a compass’.

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Escaped gorillas from Edinburgh Zoo enjoy the Fringe experience (Rousse)

Posted on May 14, 2024 by Dreamaticus

All the animals had escaped from Edinburgh Zoo.

I spotted a hippopotamus lumbering along a New Town crescent, then a gnu carefully picking his way along a cobbled street.

A family of three gorillas seemed more at home, queuing for a Fringe performance in St Andrew Square.

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Cheese dishes for ‘scolding’ season and cycling by cargo bike (Rousse)

Posted on May 10, 2024 by Dreamaticus

The ‘scolding’ season was upon us again. All my friends were preparing the special scolded cheese dishes, marking the age-old tradition of housewives using up excess dairy products at the end of spring. DTJ proudly showed me her two creations before I dashed off to an afternoon gathering in Leith.

We enjoyed the party, but soon the weekend drew to a close and we had to head home to prepare for the week ahead.

TPR declared that two of our party of three would travel by cargo bike. He pulled one down from the communal cycle racks, plonked our companion in the back, and mounted the driver’s seat. This left me with the short straw of hunting down a bus home on a Sunday night.

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Clues to a kidnap in 101 Dalmatians screening (Rousse)

Posted on May 10, 2024 by Dreamaticus

We’d had so much fun at the fine art themed escape room experience that we returned to the venue the following week. This time, however, instead of a small game for six, this experience was for an entire cinema audience, with all the play based around the kidnap of a sweet little blonde-haired, blue-eyed, American girl.

It all started with the screening of 101 Dalmatians. The host regularly interrupted the film to call out clues, occasionally directing them at named members. To prove your identity when called, you held up a printed A4 sheet of paper that displayed your name. (It was rather embarrassing for anyone who had left their seat to go to the lavatory at this point in the process.)

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A body in a box (Rousse)

Posted on May 9, 2024 by Dreamaticus

I was planting daffodil bulbs when the detective reached me. He knew that I knew that the body was buried nearby. However, neither of us expected to find it so easily.

The corpse was neatly packaged in the type of clear plastic box that you might use to store bedding or out-of-season clothes. With the lid secured with masking tape, it lay just four inches below the surface of the soil. The detective dismissed his colleague who had come to the scene with a pickaxe.

Only a couple of us knew the circumstances of the murder two years earlier. We were determined that perpetrator AO not be identified. The easiest way to deal with this would be to pin it all on Rob Titchener, now conveniently dead.

Alternatively, the man who flicked cigarette ash on our precious silk Singapore rug was a worthy candidate for the role of murderer.

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Secret ceramics slicer swindler (Rousse)

Posted on May 4, 2024 by Dreamaticus

I knew that I had overstayed my welcome, living out of the contents of two large black bin bags in the spare room of my new, elderly friends.

My gift of three pretty decorated saucers cut in half was probably not adequate compensation for the kindness that they had shown me. In fact, I was in the bedroom deciding on the next saucer to slice (perhaps the sunflower one?) when my visit was brought to an abrupt end.

My hosts’ family members had reported me to the police for an act of fraud. Somehow, I had sold the couple’s cottage in the Cotswolds and pocketed the proceeds. Given that I didn’t even know that they owned another property, my arrest came as a terrible shock.

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