Acrobat injured after demo goes wrong (Rousse)

The acrobat invited me on to the platform suspended above the audience. The idea was that she would teach me how to perform one of her perfect forward rolls. She attempted a demonstration – but landed awkwardly on her head, and almost broke her neck. I sincerely hoped that the audience below would not blame me for this unfortunate misadventure.

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An unimpressive surprise birthday party (Rousse)

I would have been happier about TPR’s self-organised “surprise” birthday party had he (a) warned me that we were expecting guests (and I could have put on a bra); (b) resisted inviting every waif and stray relative that he had ever heard of; and (c) booked the celebration meal at a decent hotel.

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Strange happenings at the University of Newcastle recall scenes from 1984 (Rousse)

TPR and I called in for breakfast at my sister S’s hall of residence at Newcastle University. Each morning Barton Hall put out an elaborate spread for its undergraduates and I couldn’t resist returning to the buffet for yet another cereal bar and an extra slice of cream cheese on toast.

When I took my food back to my labelled seat S introduced me to a student tutor who claimed to be teaching in a department that I knew well at Northumbria University. It was a little strange that of all the staff names that I mentioned she only recognised AJP.

Then the bell rang for morning classes. The students organised themselves into several squads of troops as if they were about to go into battle on foot. Meanwhile the walls and doors of the room changed to accommodate each student formation as it marched through the building. It felt like I had been dropped into a scene from movie version of 1984.

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The envelope thief (Rousse)

I caught a QM graduate stealing cardboard envelopes from the bottom shelf in my study.

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Efforts for an A grade student (Rousse)

I called to DT that I’d see her at the revolving door so that we could head home together. Then I thought that I had better check my office before I left.

The PhD applicants who had unexpectedly turned up to my room earlier in the day had left it in a terrible mess. I had no option but to start tidying up. I hope that my efforts would all be worthwhile to recruit the girl who had never scored less than an A on any piece of academic work.

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Rousse breaks mountain safety rules

This was so foolish. I set off up a mountain with two men that I barely knew, in the dark, without a torch.

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Christian boyfriend problems (Rousse)

I knew in my heart that we could never be together, even if TPR were despatched elsewhere. In spite of everything else in my suitor’s favour, I could never accept his Christian faith.

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Climbing frame love (Rousse)

He asked me why I loved him.

My answer was twofold. First I admired his intellect. Second, his impressive height reminded me of a climbing frame.

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A possible funeral and chances of a missed wedding (Rousse)

I was wondering if I had visited this rural church before (perhaps for a funeral?) as PB-S brought me up to date on her holiday plans. She was looking forward to a few days away on the Norfolk Broads with her husband.

This didn’t make sense to me: as far as I knew she was unmarried. Had we missed her wedding?

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Medieval French literature, relationship advice, a Jacobean trunk, and a blue Maserati (Rousse)

We were working through archives of exam questions, extracting any that could be recycled for the next academic year. My collection was so old that it included questions on medieval French literature from my own undergraduate days.

My colleagues started getting restless and I wondered how much further we would get through the job before heading home for the day. Then I looked at the clock: it was 7pm. I was obliged to let the others go, but decided to stay on for another half hour or so myself.

At 10pm I was still on campus, and also had some more work to do 12 miles up the road at my other office. I set off west on foot, accompanied by a young woman who approached me for relationship advice. Her question (which I was unqualified to answer) concerned her school librarian partner who was having doubts about her sexuality. “Hormone treatment?” I suggested haphazardly as we marched along the busy main road, careful to jump into the verge every time a heavy lorry thundered by.

Half-way along the route I acquired a heavy Jacobean trunk. I carried it as best I could. Although I was grateful for my recent training regime, I still struggled with the weight. It was also rather difficult to see around such a bulky item of furniture. I nearly stumbled into a shimmering blue Maserati as I walked up a tiny lane of one of the villages en route.

By now it was almost midnight, I was still miles from my destination, and I had not yet contacted TPR to tell him when I would be home. I called him from my old mobile phone (I was saving the charge in my iPhone for emergencies) and confessed that I would not be back for a long time yet. He was resigned to my absence. At least he had my sister S for company until I finally returned to the flat.

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