A disputed opinion of Brooke – and another lost suitcase (Rousse)

It was probably just as well that I was leaving town. The last few meals with NP, GB and JLW had been rather awkward. Somehow I kept saying the wrong thing. The last straw came when one of the others started talking enthusiastically about a school friend called Brooke. I was sure that I had taught this woman in my last job. My assessment of her did not match with this glowing report, but it would have been impolite to say so.

The problem with my departure, however, was that (once again) I had lost the suitcase that I had purchased with my Tesco vouchers. This time I left it on the train at Haymarket Station.

TPR eventually came to the rescue. As well as finding my suitcase, he brought the pair of black trousers that I had forgotten to pack. It was a pity that he hadn’t also had time to create the PowerPoint file I needed for the conference the next day. Although I had the full presentation written out in long-hand, I had no slides. I just hoped that my slot would be programmed late enough in the day so that I would have time to create some slides before I was due on stage.

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Elton John and George Michael row in Danish sauna (Rousse)

Elton John screamed at George Michael to grow up. Then he flung the upholstered waste paper basket at him. It missed, and landed at my feet. George then came over to moan at me about his relationship with Elton John.

Listening to complaining pop stars was not on my list of things to do while on holiday. Indeed it had come as a complete surprise to find these two in residence at the Danish sauna that we were renting from MSB over Easter.

I had no idea that MSB mixed in such circles, nor that she regularly lent out her holiday home to her rich and famous friends.

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A demanding bride and the perils of a Tesco suitcase (Rousse)

Due to the flood, a quick decision was made to switch the venue of the wedding. Instead of a small parish church in Broadway in the Cotswolds, the venue was now a massive Catholic cathedral in the City of London. (The bride had recently converted.)

With the change of location, and a requirement from the demanding bride that all guests provide proof of (1) a minimum income band and (2) strong academic qualifications, many were now unable to attend the nuptials. Fortunately I held the prerequisites for participation. It didn’t matter at all that I was not wearing shoes.

Afterwards I intended to fly home from Heathrow with LF. My plans fell apart when I lost my suitcase on the tube to the airport. I was sure that I had left it on a luggage rack, but now it was gone.

I forced the man who had stolen my iPhone to pull each case from the rack to see if it were mine. Although many were very similar, my own was still missing. I could only conclude that mistakenly picking up, as well as losing, suitcases was the price we all now have to pay for everyone simultaneously buying suitcases with their Tesco vouchers.

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New Zealand rugby team visit (Rousse)

I was busy making arrangements for K, S, E and R to get into the bar at the local gym over the Easter holiday. Meanwhile GG was looking forward to the New Zealand rugby team using the same facilities.

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Tsunami photograph (Rousse)

TPR photographed the tsunami against the sunset with his iPad. I wanted to take over because he kept missing the peak of the wave. We both feared for the lives of those swimming in the bay.

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Phil Collins flies first class (Rousse)

Phil Collins was travelling first class from Montreal back to London on the same flight as me. I knew this because the fat woman in yellow told me so in the vast aircraft toilets.

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Paul McCartney’s plastic surgeon (Rousse)

Paul McCartney came on set to check its authenticity. Meanwhile I checked his. He looked so incredibly young that I was almost tempted to ask him for the number of his plastic surgeon.

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The real reason why Jeremy Clarkson was forced to leave the BBC (Rousse)

Jeremy Clarkson had been sacked so my long-awaited appearance on Top Gear was cancelled. However, the disgraced TV star still honoured our date.

First he cooked for me and DB. Breakfast was a huge plate of black bacon.

Then he granted me an interview on the topic of his departure from the BBC. It turned out that this was nothing to do with an assault, but with 31 mysterious text messages sent by his producer.

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Post-its as visual aids (Rousse)

It was much easier for our project team to work in the new office. With the extra space we weren’t so much in one another’s way. I just wished that I had been kinder when I gave B feedback on his preparation for the meeting. However, he should have known that a hand-written post-it note was not what the client meant by ‘visual aid’.

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