A late baby on the Glasgow train (Rousse)

I thought that EH would have had her baby by now, but when I peered under the table on the train on the way to the seminar in Glasgow I saw that she was still pregnant. She was also fretting over the relevance and cost of the course that she, I and JM were due to attend.

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Getting naked with friends (Rousse)

We all thought that GG, JG and their daughters and small son were away so I got a bit of a shock when I walked into their bathroom naked and came face-to-face with GG stepping out of the shower. I rolled myself into a ball and crawled away back into the bedroom.

Afterwards GG took their middle child to some sporting event on a very wobbly racing bike. Meanwhile KP demonstrated how she had taken up body building with the six year old daughter of a friend’s boyfriend.

When it was time to head home I commandeered a high-sided bus. I only just managed to keep it upright as I sped round the corners of the seaside town.

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Rob Brydon’s new love (Rousse)

Rob Brydon took a shine to my niece A. I accompanied them for a while – just until I was convinced that his affection was genuine.

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Nursery rhymes, a British Library refit, and a forgotten computer (Rousse)

I sang nursery rhymes to toddler A under the watch of her adoring parents J and N. Then I set off to London to do some work.

On arrival at the British Library GW and I were very confused by the new layout of the building. There were no ‘up’ escalators, and the Humanities Reading Room had vanished. I had a further problem of my own: I had left my MacBook Air at J’s house, so couldn’t get on with the work that I had planned.

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Exam preparation tips (Rousse)

I realised that the resources that I prepared for my exam preparation classes this year were sub-standard when I passed a bus stop advertising hoarding from 2013. It displayed a full colour professionally-produced poster packed with specifc advice for the 2013/14 cohort of students.

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Seaside town confusion (Rousse)

‘How I love Blackpool!’ I declared to TPR – just as the train was pulling into Whitby.

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Cowardly CCTV in the Cotswolds (Rousse)

We drove to the Cotswolds for BB’s special lecture. He lived with his family in a honey-stone terraced house not far from the river that ran alongside the village’s main street. The theme of BB’s lecture was security. He focused on the ‘cowardly’ use of CCTV.

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When the party ends in tears (Rousse)

DT and KJ urged us to buy a new house that was suitable for huge parties. NP chipped in with a special request: plenty of floor space for dancing.

We eventually found something that met these criteria: a huge tumbledown Victorian terrace with a partially covered roof garden. We placed candlelit tables under the sheltered area and set up the disco on the decking.

A bunch of women soon started dancing even before any music was playing. The real partying began when the DJ put on a Rolling Stones LP.

The highlight of the evening was a surprise visit from XY. DT and I were so pleased to see him that we clung to his T-shirt in tears. I took position at the front, with DT at the back.

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Top of the academic pops (Rousse)

Top researcher BB was so successful that he now earned another £87,000 on top of his salary. He’d also recently taken delivery of a flash company car. He told me this as he was setting up a meeting in my office. (I would have to take my marking elsewhere.)

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Salford scheme shames poor drivers (Rousse)

My driving was getting worse. In Salford I scraped our white BMW against the kerb outside a hospital, nearly taking out some nursing staff.

Thankfully the car easily transformed into a motorbike. This meant that I could make a quick getaway and avoid an on-the-spot fine.

TPR jumped onto the back of the bike and tried to give directions. I completely misunderstood him when he shouted ‘straight on’. Instead I turned sharp right and we almost came off at the roundabout.

Next I heard sounds from a carnival lorry behind us. It was decorated with big banners that displayed road safety messages. The dancers were singing chants about fixed penalties. A police officer emerged from the chorus, signalled to me to stop the bike’s engine, and then arrested me for multiple driving offences.

I later heard that Salford was testing the public shaming of poor drivers by carnival lorry as a way to improve road safety in Greater Manchester.

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