Project crisis ‘cured’ with spray-on white hair and wedding invitations (Rousse)

Posted on June 16, 2015 by Dreamaticus

Our work was barely progressing from one meeting to the next so we decided that the only course of action open to us now was to bring the project to an end and cut our losses.

One of the team took the decision particularly badly and, in response, came to work the next day with a head of spray-on white hair and a pile of wedding invitations.

I later regretted our decision to give up our work. I ran around the campus of Queen Margaret University trying to find someone who could confirm whether or not it was actually legal.

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Bedsit Bernard (Rousse)

Posted on June 13, 2015 by Dreamaticus

I agreed to take on a fellow academic from another institution as my PhD student. He had told everyone that his name was Bernard, but I knew that he was really an Italian national and, as such, his real name was far more exotic than this.

I insisted that he move from his tiny bedsit so that he could start afresh in a new life dedicated to his doctoral studies. This upset him, especially since this would oblige him to take apart his computer and he had no idea where he’d filed the instructions for this. They were perhaps in the attic, but he could not be sure.

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How to fight off an unwanted suitor (Rousse)

Posted on June 12, 2015 by Dreamaticus

The man begged me for a date.

I agreed to go for a walk with him, but insisted that he first take a look at my left hand. I was a very married woman.

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An unprepared book group member (Rousse)

Posted on June 12, 2015 by Dreamaticus

Although it wasn’t an official book group meeting, when I joined the table at EH’s house it was soon obvious that I should have read some journal articles in preparation for the discussion. At this rate TPR was in a better position than me to join in, given his long career in the computing industry.

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A cell in a cell (Rousse)

Posted on June 12, 2015 by Dreamaticus

The prison population was growing. Even I was now a member.

Each day I handed my mobile phone over for recharging so that I would at least have some entertainment in my cell.

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Not so pretty in pink (Rousse)

Posted on June 10, 2015 by Dreamaticus

As a reward for taking on extra responsibilities at work, XY was provided a suite of rooms to decorate to his own specifications.

He left the dull pink bathroom as it was, but had the walls redecorated using remnants of pink and purple 1970s wallpaper. He also put down a vile pink shag pile carpet throughout the suite.

Meanwhile, in the period between exam boards and the announcement of marks, our boss volunteered to prepare my knitting exercise for the start of the new academic year in September.

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Visual aid throw-back (Rousse)

Posted on June 9, 2015 by Dreamaticus

Green pen in hand, it wasn’t until I was on my tenth acetate that it dawned on me that it would make more sense to create the visual aids for my conference presentation in PowerPoint. It was the twenty-first century after all.

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Funding front-runner is boy from Limerick (Rousse)

Posted on June 8, 2015 by Dreamaticus

The students were a little bewildered when I gave each of them a sheet of flipchart paper and the instruction to list the priorities of their proposed research. Somehow we would use this output to determine who would get the funding.

Over everyone else, I fancied the chances of the boy from Limerick.

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A Norwegian odyssey (Rousse)

Posted on June 7, 2015 by Dreamaticus

TPR took out the map and showed me the route. He was going to catch a boat from Newcastle to Norway, then cycle the length of the famous fjords.

I was not invited because – as his wife – it was my responsibility to wait at home for the summer delivery of white goods.

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How to divide a kitchen (Rousse)

Posted on June 7, 2015 by Dreamaticus

TPR and I moved into KS’s house in Bristol. Our sleeping accommodation was on one floor, KS and HT had theirs below us, and the huge shared kitchen was in the basement. We were on our own for the first couple of weeks while KS was away on tour with the Scottish Falsetto Sock Puppet Theatre.

When KS came back he was appalled that we had occupied just one end of the kitchen. Why had we not used the sink in the far corner? I protested that the sink by the window was much better positioned for washing up due to its location next to the window that looked out on to the garden.

KS explained that although the kitchen was shared, we were meant to keep to our allocated spaces. As his lodgers, our place was the dingy corner at the back of the room.

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