Books, visitors, and plans for Christmas 2016 at the newly acquired guest house (Rousse)

The guest house was now in the hands of MB. This meant that there was a completely different library of old books from which to retrieve your reading material. I soon worked my way through modern literary fiction, but then I was stumped again. It looked like I would have to turn to classics in the volumes of the the Everyman’s Library for a volume to read on the beach in the heat. (Had TPR remembered to pack the sunblock? I did hope so!)

Amongst the other guests was a disabled teenage athlete who wore a bright blue tracksuit. At times she would go missing, but we always found her – on one occasion in a bin looking for a DVD of a Disney animation.

Members of my family would also sometimes call by. My middle sister initiated a conversation about Christmas 2016 while the little one marked up a whiteboard to announce a sale of her art work, even though none was visibly for sale. Of the pair of the them, the latter was clearly more avant garde.

When JC and GC came to stay I generously paid for their parking ticket in the street.

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A miracle landing, and donkeys and surfers in Stockon-on-Tees (Rousse)

Despite all the warnings BP, EH and I all elected to take a flight during the terror alert. I should not have been surprised when about an hour from our destination the cabin lights went out and the air supply came to a sudden halt.

‘This is it then’, I thought. ‘Poor TPR. I hope that he forgives me for taking this flight, and gets over my death’.

I wondered whether the three of us should hold hands. It appeared, however, that the others had accepted that the three of us would go to our deaths alone.

Then something miraculous happened: the plane landed safely and we all disembarked unscathed.

My next trip was to Stockton-on-Tees to help keep the donkeys out of the way of traffic (specifically lorries) on Darlington Road, and photograph surfers.

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Mostly unknowns at the online information relaunch (Rousse)

They tried to bring back the annual international online information meeting, but it just wasn’t the same. A couple of unknown academics from an equally unknown university were supposedly in charge. They didn’t seem to be coping very well.

I decided to take a place in the main hall for the opening keynote speech. The few audience members, none of whom I recognised, were scattered across the auditorium.

I took my place next to a group of women. When the speaker stepped up to the stage we were all surprised that this person was an Indian woman (as opposed to an Indian man).

Across the aisle a bunch of male delegates were talking and nodding in my direction. I overheard one say ‘Yes, that one. The one with the ginger hair. That’s her!’

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A French affair (Rousse)

The only way to get into the French hall of residence was to balance on wobbly podiums attached to the outside of the building, then leap from there into the dodgy lift. Once inside the lift you had to perform all sorts of acrobatics in a very confined space to ensure that you eventually reached the right floor and your room. This would never pass a British health and safety check.

There were some interesting young men dancing on the podiums. The first who tried to pick me up was a school boy in town for a University entrance test of his English. I discovered that the second was more to my liking when I felt his upper arm muscles under the fabric of his cotton shirt. He was a 28 year-old redhead who worked for Cisco. I followed him to his room not caring that I was married to someone else.

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Flour revenge (Rousse)

My sister criticised me for transporting flour. I took my revenge by tipping some over her head.

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A private sparkler candle display (Rousse)

I urged the others to hurry to the table. I’d set it with sparkler candles. At this rate I’d be the only one to see them in action.

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Cambridge encounter avoidance tactics (Rousse)

‘Cambridge’ I heard her say – with meaning.

I looked up and saw that awful woman. I hadn’t expected to come across her again so soon after our first encounter, but here she was. This time I vowed to keep out of her way.

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Making up for a deep offence (Rousse)

Someone at the party had deeply offended the oldest guests in attendance. Mr and Mrs S stormed out without saying goodbye.

I had to do something! I chased them up Dundas Street to offer them a lift home.

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Marcus Brigstocke takes to the stage with mother and daughter duo (Rousse)

Marcus Brigstocke settled his mother and (possibly) his brother into seats in the front row, then took to the podium.

‘Gosh, he’s getting on a bit’, I thought, catching sight of his balding pate and observing his wider-than-last-time waistline.

After a brief introduction Brigstocke patrolled the audience in search of a volunteer. He stopped at the end of the row where I was sitting with my mother. The woman to the right of me coiled back in fear. I, however, was happy to be chosen. Brigstocke could tell. My mother dutifully followed me.

A fourth person joined us on stage. He and my mother were to be the stars of the show. Their first act required them to wear post-its on their foreheads. Meanwhile I sat at the back of the stage and ate chocolate.

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The ugly pumpkin-headed baby (Rousse)

HR trotted down the steps with her boyfriend and their pumpkin-headed baby. Meanwhile HR’s Australian ex-boyfriend was lying on a sofa in our back room, complaining that he was lonely. We had to keep these people apart.

I ran outside and suggested that we go for walk – perhaps not to the Botanic Gardens because this was where HR and her boyfriend worked. However, they insisted on coming into the house.

I took the baby, doing my best to make sure that his pumpkin head stayed upright on his shoulders. How ever did they produce such an ugly monster? Perhaps he would be a useful distraction when HR and her ex-boyfriend came face to face?

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