A tall blonde Australian lover (Rousse)

Posted on July 12, 2016 by Dreamaticus

I joined my tall blonde lover at the other side of the world in Australia. She hoped that I would move there permanently to live out the rest of my years in her homeland.

I wasn’t sure that I could commit to this. Although the coastal scenery was stunning, her driving was terrible. More importantly, I didn’t really fancy her (or any other woman for that matter), and I missed TPR.

Furthermore, I couldn’t be certain that BP would approve my absence. I felt terribly guilty that I hadn’t told him where I was for this single week away.

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An essential old fashioned grey bread tin (Rousse)

Posted on July 11, 2016 by Dreamaticus

TPR and I really struggled with the eleven bags and cases that we had packed to take on holiday. I did not understand, however, why we needed to take a plastic chopping board, or the old fashioned grey tin bread bin from my childhood home.

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Stabbing victim’s wife welcomes his murder (Rousse)

Posted on July 11, 2016 by Dreamaticus

TPR and I were awakened by footsteps crunching across the gravel outside our bedroom window. I ran to the front of the flat and heard voices in the sitting room. There JS slept under white sheets in a corner. Meanwhile over by the fireplace an unknown assailant stabbed her husband A to death.

When she awoke I told JS what had happened. She was grateful that her husband was dead. She was surprised that we had not noticed how much she abhorred him. His death was everything that she ever wanted.

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Slim female academic transforms into overweight Chinaman (Rousse)

Posted on July 10, 2016 by Dreamaticus

We were only permitted to join the PhD students at their table if they invited us to join them. XY was pretty certain that she could persuade at least one of them to offer us an invitation. However, this was worthless because nearly all the food had been eaten by the time we reached the venue.

Then XY scalded her foot. We popped into the ladies on the ground floor where the running water of the flush from a pink marble throne-like toilet could be administered to the wound. Afterwards XY donned a red silk gown and transformed herself into a huge, overweight Chinaman.

Even in her new guise, XY could not persuade me to write a series of academic profiles for her project. I had a grant proposal to complete, and this would take me the rest of the summer.

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An embarrassing moment in the National Library of Scotland and a tram death (Rousse)

Posted on July 10, 2016 by Dreamaticus

I could have died of shame when a video posted to my Facebook page sprang to life at full volume breaking the solemn silence of the main reading room in the National Library of Scotland. I had no choice but to leave.

I gathered my work and to follow world-renowned photographer DE out the building. We took the packed lift downstairs, then caught a tram into town.

I noticed that one of the children who took to ‘riding’ on the nose of the tram as it came into the terminus had slipped off the vehicle and was now lying dead on the ground. I had no time to linger, however, so headed to the railway station to see if I could find TPR. He was nowhere to be seen and, as usual, did not have his mobile on him.

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Dead dog danger (Rousse)

Posted on July 9, 2016 by Dreamaticus

Five mutilated dog corpses were scattered across my tiny back garden. At first I simply considered this an inconvenience – until TPR pointed out that it was an ominous sign of danger ahead.

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Jack Charlton fisherman (Rousse)

Posted on July 8, 2016 by Dreamaticus

I spotted Jack Charlton from the back seat of a car as we drove through the outskirts of Newcastle. He pointed out where he lived: a small ex-council house on a very busy road. He said that he would rather have the house a couple of doors along. This was a medieval stone building that had been transported brick-by-brick from York some centuries ago.

Just as our car pulled away I remembered that Charlton was in the same fishing syndicate as my father and his friend K. I wound down the window again to remind him. A flicker of recognition lit up his face as the conversation turned to his favourite pastime.

When we reached our destination I refused to go in the water, despite the enthusiastic invitation from my very reverend friend. Whoever heard of a ‘heated’ swimming pool deliberately set to the coldest temperature possible?

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A name change to Lindsay (Rousse)

Posted on July 7, 2016 by Dreamaticus

WB changed her name to Lindsay. I asked her if this was her choice. It was not. She simply took the first name available.

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Missing allspice and a bizarre technique for cooking stuffing (Rousse)

Posted on July 6, 2016 by Dreamaticus

I was busy packing a picnic for a trip to Manchester to visit JC. So far I had found a ham sandwich and a crusty white loaf of bread. TPR was meant to be bringing the main course, but he had run out of allspice so couldn’t finish the cooking.

‘That’s why I always used to keep a spare jar in the cupboard when I was in charge of this kitchen’ I complained.

I also wondered if I dare mention that I did not approve of his bizarre technique for cooking stuffing – in the dishwasher cutlery holder.

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Escalator screams in Sweden (Rousse)

Posted on July 4, 2016 by Dreamaticus

I could just make out from our conversation at the dinner table that JM had so far enjoyed the conference in Sweden, although his girlfriend had not found it quite so interesting. After the meal one of the organisers asked if I would be willing to run a workshop at short notice. I agreed to do so.

I following directions to the second floor room where my break-out session would take place. The individual steps on the staircase were so steep that I gave up on them for the escalator. The escalator was absolutely packed with people (also avoiding the stairs) and therefore dangerous. An accident was inevitable.

A young woman tripped and caught her hair in the teeth of the moving staircase. None of us could find the emergency stop button. Amongst those who listened with horror to the woman’s agonising screams was her mother.

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