In the office with Barack Obama and Boris Johnson (Belle)

This new job certainly had its contrasts.  Yes, I was sharing the office with a branch of Marks and Spencer Simply Food that specialised in apricot Danish pastries – hooray.  Yes, Barack Obama had a desk on the other side of the room.  But how could I not be brought down by the fact that Boris Johnson was also sharing my office?   He spent most of his days loudly proclaiming how common I was to anyone who would listen.

One morning I was mistakenly accused of shoplifting my apricot Danish.  Naturally Boris Johnson, failed to step in – despite the fact that I had the receipt in my hand and the CCTV footage clearly showed me paying.  When Barack Obama stepped in to defend me, Johnson performed a ‘joke’ Nazi salute.  Later I received a small card that said “Well I like you, Belle”.  It was signed POTUS.  I debated whether I should post a photo of the card onto Facebook and my story about Boris to Twitter, but decided against both.

Later, while sitting outside in the courtyard, I witnessed a gang of thieves wearing silver New Romantic face-paint dump their shoes behind a bush.  This could be a clue!

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Intern adventures include Lord of the Rings team-building exercise on horseback #LOTR

I started my placement at an office that was just a five minute walk from my flat. I wasn’t the only intern: three pupils from Drummond High School had also been taken on by the firm. I found these children to be very lazy. One of the fathers transported them to and from work in a taxi.

MLX was also employed by the firm, apparently as a full-time consultant. She confided in me that she had given up her studies. I couldn’t be certain that she had informed ZCY of this bold move.

I found it quite difficult to work in the open plan office because it was so noisy. In addition, it seemed that most employees weren’t very interested in their work. Instead they preferred to sit about and eat biscuits.

On my first afternoon there was a team-building exercise on horseback. The activity was based on trekking scenes from Lord of the Rings. I made it known that I was not happy with this arrangement when there was so much work to do back at the office. Nevertheless, I still participated, and did particularly well in a mock fight with one of the others.

When the weekend came I resisted the temptation to slope off with the man that I fancied at my new workplace. Instead I stayed at home to watch GW deliver lectures in Swedish (with subtitles).

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Helicopter rescue for fashion disaster (Rousse)

I was really struggling with my work wardrobe. Everything I liked was unsuitable; everything suitable I disliked. Meanwhile my sister J was having much more success – largely because she had gone on a shopping spree before the start of term and had a bought a wide selection of checked shirts.

I finally settled on a cream suit, but my troubles didn’t end there. I got lost travelling from one campus to the other. Then my clothes disappeared. I did my best to use my hair as a gown, but it wasn’t quite long enough. My only hope of rescue was a US military helicopter.

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Special services for ladies of a certain age (Rousse)

JTX and his partner set up a business to deliver special services to ladies of a certain age. I was astonished (yet delighted) that a couple of gay guys would be so expert in their new metier.

My only criticism was that they should have closed the conservatory door when in action. I wondered if this display of their talents to the neighbours was part of their marketing strategy.

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Neighbours banned from local ‘cinema’ (Rousse)

Now that I had more time to myself I was determined to improve our living arrangements.

First I would find a long antique dining table for the unused space in the inner hall. Then I was going to stop our neighbours using our downstairs television room as their local cinema.

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Girl meets girl on Hebridean beach (Rousse)

I interviewed grown-up members of a boy band (established High Hall, University of Birmingham c 1983), took photos of the beautiful Hebridean beaches, and swam in the warm sea.

When KA and I emerged from the water a tourist took us to be a couple. ‘That’s perhaps not a bad idea’, I thought.

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1970s bed linen, out of reach kitchen appliances, and a gift of £1000 (Rousse)

TPR and I were staying with KLX at his London flat while the rest of his family spent the summer in Ireland. KLX admitted that he wasn’t the best of housekeepers and asked me to help make up the beds using a random selection of linen from the 1970s.

When this was all done KLX collapsed on top of his own bed and invited me to join him. I declined in favour of looking for TPR. I found him on the sofa, book in hand, next to a small boy who was watching television.

‘I’ll make you a cup of tea’ I said, and walked into the kitchen.

I hunted high and low, but could not find a kettle. It was only when the mother of the small boy returned with his two tiny brothers that I was pointed to a grasping stick and a set of kitchen appliances perched up high on top of a brand new set of off-yellow kitchen units. How ridiculous, I thought, to make something that you use so frequently so inaccessible.

Our other shocking discovery was that RA intended to give KLX’s son £1000 for his 21st birthday.

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An Akita and a fair (Rousse)

JC brought her Japanese Akita down the steps.

GC followed with carrying the components of an entire children’s fairground.

We set up everything in the yard. Then GC and I climbed into the front seats of the mini Rolls Royce on the carousel to enjoy a quick spin.

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First meeting with birth mother ends early when daughter falls asleep (Rousse)

The eldest sibling (or at least the one that I took to be the eldest) took me downstairs to meet the rest of the family.

There was an awkward moment when neither I nor my mother knew how to greet one another. We ended up bumping faces and sharing a weak hug, each of us sizing up the other, seeking out the family likeness.

I was so tired that I fell asleep in the company of my lost family. When I woke up they had all disappeared – presumably to take the train south again.

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Drama queen dog (Belle)

Despite having had a vascectomy, T the (male) dog was pregnant.  Not only was he keeping quiet about who the (other) father was, he had also taken to lying down in bed with the curtains drawn and a flannel on his forehead.

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