The fate of Hostage John (Rousse)

JG and I relived our student days of 1982 with a trip from Paris to the Middle East. TPR joined us to help find the old lecture theatre that used to double up as a party venue. It seemed to be a popular place to visit by former students, and many others. I squeezed past a couple of people to find myself a place behind one of the long desks.

Not long after taking my seat, I heard someone call out my name. I was summoned to the front of the lecture theatre and told to stand next to the five other people selected for ‘the task’.

An official gave each of us a gauze bag and two red and white striped balls. The balls were labelled ‘Yes’ and ‘No’. Those charged with the task then had to consider whether or not Hostage John should be released. If we thought this a good idea, we should put the ‘Yes’ ball into the gauze bag. If not, then we should submit the ball labelled ‘No’.

I had no idea of the identity of Hostage John, but the thought of anyone being held against their will was enough for me to pick up my ‘Yes’ ball. Just as I was about to drop it into my gauze bag the other five in the group brought my proposed action to a halt. What I didn’t know was that if John were released, the whole town would be bombed. John needed to be sacrificed for the greater good. I changed my mind and dropped the ‘No’ ball into my bag.

I didn’t hear for certain whether or not John was released because I was hunting for the women’s toilets when the outcome of the task was announced. SC had given me the wrong directions and I spent several hours lost wandering the long corridors all by myself.

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A lost white Volvo, a 10K race, and a needy husband (Rousse)

My sisters argued that my mother’s white Volvo would look good in her care home car park. I refused to move it there. In any case, I had no idea where it was.

I also had other things on my mind, such as a 10k run. I arrived late to join the other runners in the second ‘slow’ wave. I dumped my bag of gravel at the side of the road and my yellow cardigan over a low wall, then took my place next to the man who was leading the warm-up exercises. Casting a glance at the other competitors, it looked like I would have a good chance of being placed in this race.

Meanwhile TPR was really annoying me due to his neediness. His latest complaint was that he couldn’t find any ingredients in the kitchen cupboards.

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Two double beds, four American exchange students, and an older woman (Rousse)

I soon guessed WB’s plan when she invited me to spend the day with her at her ex-husband AB’s house in the country: matchmaking. I willingly made the visit with her, but also insisted afterwards that the pair of us leave the house together.

Apart from anything else, I needed to get back to University to finish my biology degree. I elected to live on campus in my final year, and was looking forward to seeing my new room. It came as a surprise to find two double beds squeezed into the tiny space, plus three American exchange students at the door ready to move in with me.

I asked if the one boy in the group would share the slightly larger bed with me, leaving the smaller one for the girls. He refused. It seemed that the prospect of sleeping with a young female threesome was a more attractive option to him.

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The first cuckoo of Spring (Belle)

My tiny home was being ‘cuckooed’ – every day more people that I didn’t know were moving in and it seemed my ex boyfriend was the instigator. I eventually snapped when I realised that someone had secretly replaced my step ladder – this was going too far.

Fortunately I remembered I had a secret – and much better – house around the corner.

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Racing across the world exposes dirty linen (Belle)

Apparently I was “the worst-prepared contestant” the programme makers of Race Across the World had ever seen. When I arrived at the starting point I didn’t even have a rucksack. The BBC production team forced me to fashion one out of a large watercooler bottle and ribbons before I was allowed to start.

This meant that – wherever I went on my journey – everyone could see my dirty underwear.

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The Le Creuset criminal (Rousse)

Not only did the new Le Creuset salesman switch my perfect frying pan for a dud, he also stole my idea of collecting pots, pans, and other kitchenware to create a Le Creuset rainbow.

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Looking for loos along the LNER East Coast route (Rousse)

All the toilets at York railway station were out of order – and I was desperate to go to the loo. The only option was to catch the next train south, travel 125 miles to Peterborough, and use the facilities there.

As I boarded the next train for London Kings Cross, my book group pals agreed to look after all my stuff. Amongst these was the handbag that contained all my cash, cards, phone, and train tickets for my return journey to Edinburgh. If I needed to pay for anything en route, such as a return fare to Peterborough, I was in trouble.

Then there was the question of my destination. This Kings Cross train only made one stop – at a small Home Counties town called Amos, serviced by LNER just once a day. As soon as I disembarked, I realised that I was stranded with no means to pay for anything. Worst of all, although Amos was very pretty and overrun with beautiful boutiques, the one and only station toilet was closed.

Later a swarm of miniature starlings landed on my blue cardigan. If only I had my iPhone to photograph them.

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How not to start a start-up (Rousse)

Following a week of unpaid training, I felt able to offer JS £200 per day to work in my consulting firm. The only problem was that I added to her payroll before we had any clients. In fact, we didn’t even have any premises at this time.

I asked TPR if he could decorate two shabby rooms at the back of the house. These could serve as our offices for the time being.

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Begging Martin Jarvis (Rousse)

When Martin Jarvis was working on the counter of the public library, I wasn’t the only one desperate for him to put down his stamp and read stories to us instead.

‘Just half an hour, please!’ I begged.

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A doomed trip to Orkney (Rousse)

There was quite a crowd of us on holiday together in the north of Scotland. This made it difficult to enjoy time on my own with my Canadian cousins NT and DT, who had crossed the Atlantic to spend a couple of weeks with us during the heatwave.

Then I came up with a plan. I would suggest a day trip to Orkney with my cousins. There were two problems with this, however. First, news spread that I was organising a day out and others were now interested in joining us. Second, the ferries no longer ran from Caithness to South Ronaldsay. The proposed trip was doomed before it even began.

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