A teenager on a bobsleigh whizzed past the house and accidentally scooped up TPR. The unintended hitch-hiker was eventually deposited in the sea.
As TPR emerged bare chested from the waves I noticed that he had acquired yet another tattoo. The word ‘Wiley’ was stamped across his torso.
‘You look more and more like a piece of litter with every act of vandalism inked onto your body’, I complained.
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I finally twigged that the person opposite was flirting with me and that this was my chance to offer an invitation back to my room. That said, I was aware some other young people at the bar were teasing my companion for investing any interest in me at all, most likely due to our age difference.
Would their actions determine whether or not the invitation would be accepted? My hesitation cost me the date when my companion wandered off with a bunch of contemporaries to a house party in a flooded street.
I now found myself all alone outside a florist disguised as an ordinary terraced house. As compensation for my disappointment, I bought some herbs potted in colourful child-sized Wellington boots.
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A large park in New York was the destination for our school reunion. I arrived by bike.
My first challenge was to separate out the twins.
I took a huge risk crossing the strait by canoe without a life-jacket, but made it safely to Radcliffe-on-Trent.
I realised my mistake the moment that I intercepted my sister-in-law JLR and niece F, who were on their way to the swimming pool for the afternoon. My ‘surprise’ was to them an extremely unwelcome interruption to their regular routine.
I said that I would check into the closest Premier Inn rather than impose myself on them. (In any case, I couldn’t remember their address, and I now doubted that JLR would ever give it to me.)
When I heard that RJH was also in the vicinity, I invited him to join me at the hotel.
I moved in with The Rock (Dwayne Johnson) and admired the massive double bed with a crisp white bedspread. However, by teatime, Dwayne had moved out and Andy Samberg had let his small daughter drive – and wreck – my car.
After all the expense of transporting it, I returned to Edinburgh from Glasgow without my precious mini whiteboard. It was fortunate that my cousin EB had a suitcase large enough to carry it back to Bristol by plane, although I had no idea how I would retrieve it from the south of England before the start of the new academic year.
My other worry was my second PhD. Would I complete it by the end of the summer, or was I now looking at a Christmas submission?
The view from my desk was one over Chamberlain Square in Birmingham. I watched as a woman reversed out of an office door and eventually emerged wielding two 30-foot fishing poles. The first thing she did was bring bring down a telephone wire.
I charged across the Square to challenge her. Had she reported the damage? Why was she just smirking at me? She frustrated me so much I tried to strangle here, but when that didn’t work, we became best friends.