A white Christmas in Edinburgh (Rousse)

We spent the afternoon watching old films on television in the sitting room. Fortunately nobody sat on the green-threaded needles that KT found at my end of the sofa.

Then, when we saw that snow had fallen late in the day and we technically had a white Christmas, we set off for a walk across the frozen wastes above Edinburgh. The route was tricky in places, especially along the wrought iron ladder that you had to climb backwards.

Suddenly I found myself alone separated from TPR. A gang of teenage boys attempted to kidnap me and I only just managed to escape – by biting and tickling them.

Free once more I headed home on the bus along London Road, admiring the enormous faded paper poppies that the council had placed as Christmas decoration in the branches of the trees that lined the street.

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An academic affair in New York (Rousse)

This should not have been the highlight of the New York conference, but I was extremely flattered to be the object of CDX’s affections. It barely crossed my mind that TPR would not approve of my affair.

In any case, we only slept together three times, and I reckoned that if it was OK with CDX’s third wife, then nor would my first husband be bothered.

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Scottish Falsetto Sock Puppet Theatre recruits new performer (Rousse)

It was only on my way to the gig in Paris that I realised the folly of my offer to Kevin F Sutherland to put on the season’s first performance of the Scottish Falsetto Sock Puppet Theatre.

I didn’t know the lines, couldn’t do the accent, and there was no way that I would be able to make the right puppet speak at the right time. Kev’s business would go belly up – all because of me.

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Lost in London and Paris (Rousse)

I was lost in London, late for a 10:00 meeting at the Chartered Institute of Library and Information Professionals, without my mobile phone – indeed without even cash to use a public telephone.

Then, to make matters worse, I realised that I wasn’t in London at all. Notre Dame on the Île de la Cité to the right gave the biggest clue to my real whereabouts: Paris.

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Liberty lawn cotton and unfashionable wallpaper (Rousse)

Two of my school friends (one KMcL) dressed in Liberty lawn cotton blouses admired my bedroom wallpaper.

Meanwhile JB made snide remarks that it was ‘unfashionable’.

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Rivals vie for boat trip business from Miavig, Isle of Lewis (Rousse)

There was a new company offering boat trips from Miavig on the Isle of Lewis. However, I was sure that it would soon go out of business because it failed to adhere to health and safety requirements. For example, I was expected to cling to the side of the RIB without the use of handles.

We looked on in envy at the party from the guest house, enjoying a picnic on Pabay courtesy of the established boat trip business.

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A revealing silk jacket (Belle)

I couldn’t wait to see RB wearing the silk blouson jacket I had bought him. Featuring a cutesy kitten design, it was cut deliberately short so that six inches of his tummy would be on display.

He seemed to really like it but when I saw his flat stomach, and realised how good the jacket looked on him, I realised I was seething with jealousy.

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Charity shop Whimsies and a sand slide bring joy to the office (Rousse)

My new office space was appalling. I was shown to a tiny table with a computer at the end end of a long narrow room that accommodated around a dozen academics and research students. On the blue desk next to mine there was even an open access machine for undergraduate students!

It was incredibly noisy, and with so many distractions (not least PhD students) I was forever missing classes and meetings. SS would not be pleased that I did not turn up for the risk assessment training session.

The only aspect of work that I now enjoyed was discussing the Whimsies that FR regularly picked up in charity shops, and playing on the sand slide with BP.

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New York’s latest spa craze is total wee wee (Belle)

I was visiting New York on business and I had no idea why the hipster librarian had decided I must visit the city’s trendiest spa.  I was told the full story.  The owner of the spa had been rootling around in her cellar and had found paint tins full of her great-grandfather’s urine, all dated and sealed.  Convinced of the health-giving properties of 100-year old wee wee, she had launched this spa.

In the dance studio, people were being led in an ancient Grecian dance routine while daubing the wee onto the foreheads.  Already horrified, I was told this was simply the beginner session. As people progressed through the rooms in the spa, the treatments became even more ‘intense’.  I decided to leave.

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Stockton man traffics refugees as a sideline to drug dealing (Rousse)

TPR and I were setting down to watch a 1970s film in the upstairs drawing room of the White House when we sensed that we were not alone. After a quick check behind the furniture revealed nothing, we sat back down again to pick up the plot of the movie. Then there was another, more distinct sound. This time we could tell that it came from behind the green velvet curtains.

Hiding by the window was a naked man! In his early 20s, all that he was carrying was a small document that revealed his identity as an Indian national. We guessed immediately that he was a refugee. I sent TPR to fetch some clothes from SEH’s bedroom while I comforted our unexpected visitor and told him not to be frightened. TPR returned with a black T shirt and an old pair of Marks and Spencers trousers.

Then, as if from nowhere, another person suddenly appeared. This refugee looked like he was from Africa. Fortunately he was already dressed. Now we had two people to look after.

I was just wondering how we would care for them when another three men emerged from behind the sofa. This was now beginning to get complicated, especially since the one with dirty blond hair was evidently a local man.

Small, scrawny – and somewhat shifty – he was obviously from Stockton-on-Tees. He hurried along the upstairs hall to make a bid for the staircase and a quick exit from the back of the house. The moment that I grabbed him I understood his role. He made extra cash trafficking refugees while dealing drugs.

It was his car parked outside that had brought the other men to our house, and which he hoped would provide his getaway. I was determined that he would not escape, but brought to justice instead.

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