A secret agent and a sacred text (Rousse)

Posted on October 22, 2017 by Dreamaticus

My duties as a secret agent charged with recovering a sacred text were part-familiar and part-terrifying. As I stood on the pavement on Edinburgh’s George Street, I knew that the passing motorcyclist would slap me when he drove past. Then I would run into the Halifax bank to seek shelter. Everyone would believe that a terror attack was imminent.

The next day I walked along the banks of the River Thames at sunset. My assailant, carrying the quarry, had followed me to the capital. I almost fell into the water as I reached down to grab the precious book from him.

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Noel Fielding on a first date (Belle)

Posted on October 20, 2017 by Dreamaticus

Noel Fielding picked me up from the office. We walked over a burgundy arts and crafts bridge, Noel pushing his bike one one side, had his other arm around my shoulders.  His quiet voice was a charm to me.  Distracted, we realised we were walking down the middle of a dual carriageway.

Later, I missed the ferry to the island where I was now living.

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Reptiles and serpents found at tropical wedding venue (Rousse)

Posted on October 19, 2017 by Dreamaticus

DTJ and KJ were due to host their wedding celebration at a tropical hotel that was familiar to me and TPR.

We picked up our wedding present for them – a huge canvas – and walked barefoot to the venue. There we were the first to arrive and it didn’t look like anyone else was yet ready to party. DTJ, for example, was not in a party dress, but wearing a baggy man’s shirt. (I too was wearing a baggy shirt, but at least mine was brightly patterned with red flowers. It was just a pity that it made me look enormous.)

As early guests, we played with toddler J while waiting for the others to arrive. He was rather too heavy for baby sit-ups so instead we explored the local wildlife. I was impressed with J’s speech and the readiness with which he identified the reptiles and serpents that we found in the hotel grounds.

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Hostage clings to novel entertainment at end of ordeal (Rousse)

Posted on October 18, 2017 by Dreamaticus

By posting messages about a conference that did not exist, FR arranged my rescue from kidnap by an American gang.

While I waited for my formal release, I begged my captors not to take away the two novels in bag – my only entertainment during the whole ordeal.

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Bubble ring valuation (Rousse)

Posted on October 16, 2017 by Dreamaticus

Incorrectly identified as a jewellery expert, I was asked to value a bubble ring.

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French at the University of Birmingham (Rousse)

Posted on October 14, 2017 by Dreamaticus

The Birmingham University campus was unrecognisable. It was so hi tech – and the main library had been flattened.

SH was still top of the class, and I a complete dunce. I wondered whether there would be time for me to find a private tutor and (re)learn enough French to pass my finals.

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1970s emerald ear-rings worth a house (Rousse)

Posted on October 12, 2017 by Dreamaticus

When DTJ flashed her engagement ring at us I told the story of LF’s emerald ear-rings – once the value of a whole 1970s house.

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An athletic library user (Rousse)

Posted on October 12, 2017 by Dreamaticus

I burst through the main door almost taking out RR (who had just returned from a trip by train) and offered to carry his newspaper upstairs for him. While he took the lift, I charged up the the wide sweeping staircase to the first floor – and won the race. I left his papers on the polished mahogany table for him to collect.

Then I continued into the packed reading room of the public library. I was lucky that the barriers had been left open and that I was able to wander in without showing my ID. There I greeted the Edinburgh University linguistics lecturer who I pass on my walk to work each day, then hunted for the notes inside a book that had been put aside for me by the library staff many months earlier.

Everything was intact exactly as I left it on my last visit. I wondered if I had deprived anyone else of access to this text during my long absence.

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What not to say and/or do at a school reunion (Rousse)

Posted on October 9, 2017 by Dreamaticus

I was completely unaware that I was standing next to LC and KF when I said that the first couple of school reunions were very poorly organised. I quickly corrected myself by saying that the events themselves were fabulous. Rather it was establishing the guest list on Facebook that was the problem.

This reunion, however, was very special. Not only was the venue our school, but we had also travelled back in time to 1978 on the night of a school play. This meant that our parents, many of them younger than our age now, were also wandering the corridors with our younger selves.

I could see 15 year-old A through the window of a classroom. I declared that I was going in to warn her not to ruin her life by marrying S. The others held me back. It would be extremely dangerous to interfere in the time-space continuum.

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Sarong underwear (Rousse)

Posted on October 8, 2017 by Dreamaticus

I pulled my former colleague AT up the muddy bank to the gap in the wall that led to the open countryside. At first I thought that it was too small to accommodate us, but GB demonstrated that the space expanded to allow cyclists to pass their bikes through, so there was plenty of room.

Even so AT was a bit nervous, and concerned that he would rip his clothes.

‘Do you think anyone would object if I take my trousers off?’ he asked.

As he undressed I discovered that – rather than conventional underwear – beneath his trousers AT wore a loose two-legged green sarong.

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