The naked lecturer (Rousse)

Posted on October 26, 2018 by Dreamaticus

My undergraduate class was very polite. Nobody said a word when I turned up to teach completely naked.

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Terrifying taxi transport costs (Rousse)

Posted on October 21, 2018 by Dreamaticus

My cousins T and SB complained of their lack of sleep. They had been forced to leave the ball ‘early’ at 03:30am and only managed a couple of hours in bed before they were obliged to cross town to collect us.

I was both surprised and annoyed that they arrived by taxi. How much would this cross-city travel cost? I could see that the meter was already ticking close to £100, and was infuriated when TB told me that he had no cash so I would have to pay.

Along the way we stopped off at a gym to do some weights. Here we bumped into ECM, who was looking great, if a little old. Meanwhile the taxi waited for us all outside, the meter still running. We were going to be completely cleaned out by this ridiculous transport arrangement devised by my idiotic cousins.

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Habitat introduces 3-D room screens (Rousse)

Posted on October 16, 2018 by Dreamaticus

Wandering around the Habitat showroom, I was impressed by a new product that was said to enlarge indoor space: enormous 3-D room screens fashioned from purple and white carpet.

Viewed from the right angle, they really did work.

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An incontinent dog (Rousse)

Posted on October 16, 2018 by Dreamaticus

I regarded with suspicion the sticky wet yellow footprints on the lino in the kitchen of the flat that I rented to a bunch of students. Then I noticed a large white dog bouncing around the sitting room.

Although I agreed that their friendly four-legged friend was adorable, I reminded my tenants that all pets were banned, and that included incontinent pooches.

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A blonde mistress upgrade for an errant husband (Rousse)

Posted on October 16, 2018 by Dreamaticus

Not only was I able (or stupid enough) to forgive TPR’s latest misdemeanour, but here I was comforting his latest conquest. Without any care for the feelings of the betrayed wife, the dumpy, blonde, middle-aged lecturer sobbed in my arms, dreadfully upset that her colleagues at Robert Gordon University were labelling her a tart.

Although angry with my errant husband, I was grateful for the improvement in TPR’s taste in mistresses. (I had been rather ashamed that his previous love interest was our cleaner.)

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A disappointing kiss and book jacket design by nightmare (Belle)

Posted on October 12, 2018 by Dreamaticus

Travelling by steam train to the seaside, I met a Chris Packham-esque naturalist and poet who seemed to like me. At one point, on a fire escape, he said “…shall we share saliva?” and I said “What, you want me to spit on you?”  We kissed instead.  It wasn’t any good.

I met thriller writer Hammond Innes and he revealed that his famously pulpy book jacket designs were inspired by his own nightmares.

Later I missed most of my conference because I got lost in the venue and forgot who I was.

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A hotel bedroom foursome (Rousse)

Posted on October 12, 2018 by Dreamaticus

We were surprised when the blonde woman sunbathing nearby introduced us to her friends.

‘We met here last year’, she reminded us. ‘We live in Geneva. Our son is also called T’.

Now, that my memory was jogged, I remembered this couple.

There was a second surprise for us when TPR and I returned to our hotel bedroom. The woman and her husband had moved their belongings into our room. Their clothes were in the wardrobe and drawers, and the wife tucked up in bed.

Apparently nothing could be done about this double booking. We were to share every minute of the last two of days of our holiday with this couple, whether we liked it or not.

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An Australian body search for Earl Grey tea (Rousse)

Posted on October 12, 2018 by Dreamaticus

‘I don’t even smoke! What would be the point?’ I screamed at the man who accused me of stealing a pack of cigarettes.

He was actually referring to the two Earl Grey teabags on the reception desk. Had I taken those? The answer was that I had, but in all innocence. I said that I thought that they were being offered free of charge to passing guests.

It seemed that this man had deliberately encouraged me to ‘steal’ from him just so that he had an excuse to strip off my clothes and subject me to a full Australian body search.

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Lettuce, a lorry, and Looney Tunes (Rousse)

Posted on October 10, 2018 by Dreamaticus

Belle was in town (hurrah!) but she was leaving on the next train (boo!) When she confessed to me that she had arrived two days ago to stay in her Edinburgh New Town pied à terre I did my best to hide my disappointment that she hadn’t contacted me earlier. Then I borrowed a bag of lettuce from her and left to attend to my other priorities.

First there was the huge articulated lorry that I had parked unlocked in Drummond Place in the snow. I had forgotten to insert any coins into the meter and probably now owed the council half my bank balance.

The other worry was the out of character super-friendly behaviour of A. Why had he turned all touchy-feely with me, and what was the meaning of his generous gift to me of a Looney Tunes Garmin watch screen?

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An irresistible avocado green bath tub (Rousse)

Posted on October 8, 2018 by Dreamaticus

Should we purchase the flat on London Road, Edinburgh that we were currently renting from an Indian? Sure, it was a little way out of town, but the floor space was larger than our old place.

The deal clincher, however, was the brand new bathroom. Complete with an enormous avocado green tub, how could we resist?

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