Christopher Walken, dancer and time traveller (Belle)

The venue was pretty run down but we were trying to make the best of it. A fellow traveller ran up to me. “Say, do you remember that film?”. I did not. Then she brought out a 1970s ‘movie viewer’ which I was able to wear like a pair of bulky spectacles.

Suddenly I could see Christopher Walken and two lovely women dancing glamourously down a staircase in 1930s evening gowns. It was the exact staircase we were standing near, but in its Hollywood heyday.

“Well aren’t you a clever thing?” I said. I just wanted everyone to be friends.

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Recording artiste AND Big Bang Theory landlady (Belle)

I was running a ‘competitive Airbnb’ and was looking to buy a present for my next guest (Raj from The Big Bang Theory) that wasn’t just ‘a boring sweater’. I had also recorded a semi-successful record, and a pretty smooth video, called “Nothing I’ve Seen”.

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A bigamist and big birds with red breasts (Rousse)

I married my husband’s niece in a small but intimate ceremony with most of my in-laws in attendance. None of the family thought it odd that I was committing bigamy. Even I had convinced myself that it was permissible to have a two spouses – one male and the other female.

Meanwhile my parents moved to a big bungalow in Edinburgh. Its massive garden was crowded with robins the size of seagulls. I was delighted when my mother said that she would be employing a gardener.

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Police presence in Leith blocks smooth passage to underwear Albert (Rousse)

When I saw that Leith Walk was swarming with police, I began to understand why my colleagues in Engineering had expressed concern that I was walking down to the waterfront on my own. I couldn’t work out the reason for the huge police presence, but I was amused to see some very young officers – presumably on work experience – dressed in standard issue jackets with multi-coloured shorts.

It took some time for me to pick my way through the crowd of uniforms and make it to the bar where I was meeting TPR. Once there, I found my husband desperate to hand over his latest present for me.

I thought it a complete waste of money. Why would anyone pay £830 for a small plastic container about the size of an old-fashioned portable CD player, designed to hold a small supply of underwear? And who came up with the ridiculous idea of calling this contraption an ‘Albert’?

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Chinese Square puzzle (Rousse)

During the terrible Hebridean floods, which brought down hundreds of buildings, I met two honeymooning couples from China.

‘Where can we find a divorce lawyer?’ one of the foursome asked me.

‘Why would you need one of those?’ I asked. To me the two couples appeared utterly devoted.

‘Because we married the wrong partners. We were obliged to come on holiday as a foursome so that each real couple could be together’.

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A conference mix-up (Rousse)

‘I’m looking forward to your paper in Newcastle on Saturday’ said my colleague from Engineering.

‘I don’t think so’ I replied. ‘I’m off to Loughborough this weekend’.

Then I checked my diary. I had double-booked myself and now had just two days to write my presentation for Newcastle. (I wouldn’t be going to Loughborough after all.)

My next problem was to work out how to retrieve my stolen laptop and all the notes that I now needed to put my presentation slides together.

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A day out in London with a Dane, an impersonator, and a baby Belle (Rousse)

I had a day out with Belle in London.

First she took me to the museum café where she treated me to a raspberry and ice cream fruit sundae. I ate it seated next to a Dane who told me that he was hoping to meet some top UK government officials to discuss agricultural policy. When a big party of men in suits arrived to take the big table next to us, we knew exactly who they were.

Meanwhile Belle had disappeared into the toilets with a stranger. When the pair of them returned I could not tell which of the two was Belle. Was this a mystery twin? No, here was a neighbour who specialised in Belle impersonations.

On our way home in a black cab I allowed Belle’s three month old daughter to sleep across my chest.

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Cashing in on a celebrity friendship (Rousse)

Now a world-famous actor earning millions, AO was hot news for all the tabloids and celebrity magazines.

It dawned on me that I could earn a small fortune by selling to the press the photographs that I kept of this friend of mine in my own collection.

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Smart graduate cycles to the Belgium via the Channel Tunnel (Rousse)

The best way to avoid the job of painting the new staff common room was to arrive on campus dressed in a suit.

I also had a good excuse that would get me out of this unconventional academic duty: I needed to pop over to Belgium to attend a graduation ceremony with my family to collect my degree.

I therefore popped a bottle of white wine in the office fridge for the later celebrations of the redecorated room, then set off for the Channel Tunnel on my bike.

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Joe Keery lookalike is a Stranger Thing (Rousse)

Following three decades of no contact, during which one of us had moved to California, I was reunited with my school friend JB. Although we had never been best buddies, our friendship stretched back to infant school. Now that she was back in the UK to visit old haunts (including her old Oxford college), I was determined to see her.

The years had not changed JB. However, I barely remembered her husband, who had also been at school with us. I couldn’t help noticing his resemblance to Joe Keery, the actor who plays Steve Harrington in Stranger things. I was just one of many who had already pointed this out to him.

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