Category Archives: Uncategorized

Lunch with Barry Cryer (Rousse)

Posted on April 7, 2018 by Dreamaticus

I took pity on Barry Cryer, dining alone at a table for two. He recognised me when I joined him, and seemed to welcome my company. We discussed my ‘secret talent’, and the pleasure of revealing to others that I … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged 1996, Barry Cryer, BBC, comedian, dead, death, dine, friend, I'm sorry I haven't a clue, lunch, Radio 4, secret, talent, Willie Rushton, write | Leave a comment

A garden trespasser sausage chef (Rousse)

Posted on April 6, 2018 by Dreamaticus

When I glanced through the bedroom window I saw a tall dark man cooking sausages on our barbecue in our garden. ‘Go get him!’ I ordered TPR. ‘No problem’, he replied, waving his axe in the air. While TPR charged … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged abdomen, attacker, axe, bedroom, blow, camera, case, chef, cook, escape, garden, groan, kitchen, photograph, police, quest, sausage, TPR, trespasser, unpunished, window | Leave a comment

An American cheese snatcher (Rousse)

Posted on April 5, 2018 by Dreamaticus

At last our obnoxious American visitor was leaving the country – but why were members of my family wrapping up all our spare cheese as a farewell gift for her? I was going to use it in my cooking.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged American, cheese, cooking, country, family, farewell, gift, leave, obnoxious, present, snatcher, visitor | Leave a comment

National Insurance contributions for a private school teacher (Rousse)

Posted on April 5, 2018 by Dreamaticus

I accepted a job as a teacher at the tiny private prep school that my grandmother operated from the extension at the back of her house. I hoped that this was all above board, and that she would pay my … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged contribution, extension, grandmother, insurance, national, national insurance, prep, private, school, teacher | Leave a comment

Arnold Schwartzenegger’s boring speech (Rousse)

Posted on April 4, 2018 by Dreamaticus

Two of my Polish colleagues had commandeered my office while I was on long-term sick leave. My desk and other belongings were now all squeezed into a dark corner. I hoped that this was a temporary measure and that I … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged admin, Arnie Schwartzenegger, Arnold Schwartzenegger, basement, boring, campus, children, club, colleague, corner, couple, desk, dull, Easter, famous, floor, foundry, friend, gauge, guest, gym, hill, holiday, Hollywood, kiss, library, married, melt, mould, mountain pass, office, parquet, Polish, presentation, rover boat, school, sick leave, snog, space, speaker, speech, staff, temperature, university, walker, work, worker | Leave a comment

Tamsin Greig caught up in sewage crisis (Rousse)

Posted on April 3, 2018 by Dreamaticus

No wonder our tiny bathroom was awash with debris from the domestic sewage system. There were simply far too many people in the house, and the drains could no longer cope with the increased use of the facilities. Somehow TPR … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged awash, bathroom, bed, bedroom, carpet, cleaner, crisis, divan, domestic, door, drain, floor, green, sewage, sleep, system, Tamsin Greig, Thursday, tile, visitor, wardrobe | Leave a comment

New efficient technique for unwanted hair removal (Rousse)

Posted on April 2, 2018 by Dreamaticus

SM’s new party trick was to half-swallow a wire, lodge it in his throat, use it to grasp the hairs outside on his neck from the inside, pull the hairs through the skin, and bring them back out of his … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged efficient, hair, mouth, neck, New, party, removal, shave, shaving, skin, swallow, technique, throat, trick, unwanted, wire | Leave a comment

A mistaken victim of a murderous niece (Rousse)

Posted on April 1, 2018 by Dreamaticus

They thought that they had found the (whole) body of my aunt. This was impossible. After the murder I had disposed of the corpse very carefully, cut it into many pieces, and distributed them over several sites. This was clearly … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged aunt, body, corpse, cut, dispose, murder, niece, pieces, site, victim | Leave a comment

A graffiti grudge (Rousse)

Posted on March 31, 2018 by Dreamaticus

We knew that something was wrong as soon as we emerged from our bedroom and walked into the hall. Someone had broken into our flat and scrawled messages in silver ink on the carpet. In the kitchen similar graffiti covered … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged bedroom, break-in, business, carpet, danger, dresser, family, flat, graffiti, grudge, guest, hall, ink, kitchen, message, overnight, scrawl, silver | Leave a comment

A wasted wedding day in Edinburgh (Rousse)

Posted on March 31, 2018 by Dreamaticus

This had to be the most boring and short-lived wedding celebration of all time. Although some of my most interesting school friends were amongst the guests (including JB and GB, now a married couple themselves), TPR and I were sitting … Continue reading →

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged alcohol, black, boast, boring, bride, couple, criticise, day, debate, decoration, dining, dress, Edinburgh, fast, friend, guest, hotel, Hull, married, mother-of-the-bride, outfit, pallets, red, sari, school, short-lived, silence, silk, table, TPR, venue, waste, wedding, wine | Leave a comment