TPR and I fell in with Glasgow comedian mop-haired Jello and his crowd on tour in Germany. When TPR wandered off, I ended up alone with Jello and a few of his German friends in a château for an evening of partying – or so I thought.

On arrival at the grand venue, the staff showed us into an enormous, beautiful (if rather chilly) formal drawing room with long tall windows offering magnificent views down the valley. Then a tall, skinny, dark-haired German took me to one side to tell me that he was looking forward to spending the evening with me. This was fine as far as I was concerned – so long as this was in the context of the group as a whole.

Then I noticed that everyone else had disappeared. The German opened another door into a large room that contained an oversized bed covered in a single white sheet. He hurried out of his clothes and evidently expected me to do the same.

This was not on. I explained that I would happy to sit and chat with my companion, but I was not interested in anything more. After I convinced him to leave me alone, Jello appeared, suggesting that I climb into bed with him. What was wrong with these people? They had met my husband, we came across as ‘respectable’, and it had already come up in conversation that I was a Member of the Scottish Parliament (MSP).

Then I spotted the cameras. This was a set-up. The idea was to catch an MSP ‘with her pants down’ and sell the story to the press. My priority now as to get out of here fast so that I would reach TPR and the British newspapers before the Germans.