It was meant to be a small gathering of my immediate colleagues, but the invitation had  spread much further than intended. Now I found myself serving food and drinks to a wide range of staff. I was so overcome that I couldn’t remember the full name of Sharon, one of the newest PhD students in my research group.

Meanwhile friends from my undergraduate and school days began to arrive. These included ECM, who displayed her art work, and JG, who gave me a huge hug. I hoped that they didn’t feel cheated when they discovered that the majority of guests were strangers to them.

Things turned nasty when some of the staff from Facilities lit up to smoke. I ordered them outside, but they refused to leave – so I stomped off myself, TPR in tow.

When we returned we discovered that our ‘guests’ had vandalised our back garden. The lawn was in shreds, and the bird feeders lay in ruins on the ground.