After a young student died while resident at the Manor House at the University of Birmingham, TPR and I were despatched to London to attend his funeral.

The memorial event itself was for a random selection of the recently deceased, all to be commemorated together at once. Some bodies were lined up on a bridge across the Thames in family groups, with many nationalities, races, and religions represented. In cases where the bodies had not yet been brought to the venue, appropriate clothing was laid out to dress the corpses when they arrived.

I lost TPR (smart in his dinner suit) within minutes of reaching the venue for the service. He was nowhere to be seen when a man in a blue toupée accused me of laughing at his baldness and stealing his money. He was terrifying.

In an attempt to avoid my would-be assailant, I hid behind a tall youth. He showed me the score of the Manchester City v Aston Villa game on his phone, which was then confiscated by an armed policeman. The young man pointed out the two Irish terrorist mourners across the room – the real reason for the police presence.