I was wheeling a trolley of tea and digestive biscuits on an intercity train when the incident happened. My excitable behaviour resulted in a spillage over a passenger’s lap.

The train guard told me the person I had spilled tea on was my future step-mother, Natasha. I seemed to have forgotten how normal people behaved. I got great pleasure in pronouncing her name “Nat-osha” and chanted it loudly throughout the train.