New York Times publishes coded message to run Trump out of town (Rousse)

How could this be a holiday if I were sleeping at the lecturer’s desk in front of a class of thirty, all of whom were also extremely angry that the week of sunshine, sea and sand that they had been promised was actually an intensive knowledge management course? I saw that one girl had written in her notebook ‘I did not come here to work’. Nor had I.

True, we at the seaside – the beautiful beaches of the Outer Hebrides – but access to them was extremely difficult down ladders and ropes from the cliff edge beneath the huge old house that accommodated us.

While we were in residence, TPR and our friend JM worked on a coded message for mass dissemination. Towards the end of our stay, it was published on the front page of the New York Times. Positioned in the right hand column next to the main story about Donald Trump, the story looked like a report of the graduation of one of Trump’s children. It was, in fact, a coded call to arms to run the ex-President out of town.

Unfortunately the students did not really understand the significance of the newspaper piece. Disappointed at their lack of interest, I wandered down to the dining room. Here I selected a luxury yoghourt and a pain au chocolat for my breakfast (but not a huge piece of chocolate cake, unlike the enormous woman in a green tent dress who wobbled next to me at the buffet table).

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Rat and racoon robbers (Rousse)

A rat and a racoon were stealing all the food that I had laid out on the bird table in my back garden.

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Funeral phone confiscation (Rousse)

After a young student died while resident at the Manor House at the University of Birmingham, TPR and I were despatched to London to attend his funeral.

The memorial event itself was for a random selection of the recently deceased, all to be commemorated together at once. Some bodies were lined up on a bridge across the Thames in family groups, with many nationalities, races, and religions represented. In cases where the bodies had not yet been brought to the venue, appropriate clothing was laid out to dress the corpses when they arrived.

I lost TPR (smart in his dinner suit) within minutes of reaching the venue for the service. He was nowhere to be seen when a man in a blue toupée accused me of laughing at his baldness and stealing his money. He was terrifying.

In an attempt to avoid my would-be assailant, I hid behind a tall youth. He showed me the score of the Manchester City v Aston Villa game on his phone, which was then confiscated by an armed policeman. The young man pointed out the two Irish terrorist mourners across the room – the real reason for the police presence.

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The loneliness of a PhD student in COVID times (Rousse)

It was a lonely life as a PhD student, especially during COVID times when I both lived and worked all by myself in the marble columned museum.

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Kisser Nick Rhodes (Rousse)

Nick Rhodes kissed me on the lips in a crowded corridor – and it felt like I had fulfilled one of my lifetime ambitions.

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Dolphins and groping (Rousse)

A problem with swimming with dolphins in dark was that you often couldn’t be sure whether the creature next to you was a beautiful sea mammal, or a man intent on a grope.

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My lover David Mitchell (Rousse)

David Mitchell had been in love with me since 1984.

Unfortunately for him I was very married. He chose to ignore every sign of my ‘taken’ status – the several bands of gold and jewels prominently displayed on my ring finger, spoken references to my husband – so determined was he to make me his lover.

While I appreciated the flattery of David’s devoted attention, I couldn’t help comparing his physique with that of TPR.

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Equestrian wear for Boris Johnson (Rousse)

Boris Johnson asked me to buy him a pink hunting jacket. I refused.

I told him that his PA (or wife) was better suited to such a task.

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Penguins suits and a smell (Rousse)

The twins made a huge effort with their outfits for the conference. They dressed in not-quite-identical penguin suits. The slightly larger one had also dyed her strawberry blond hair black, making it much easier for strangers to distinguish the two sisters.

We were just about to enter the conference hall when the slightly smaller twin detected a smell that displeased her. As she turned to stomp off, the other one followed. I hoped that they would return in their own time.

Meanwhile I made it to table 6 at the front of the room with some other PhD students. Here we waited for the opening address.

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Dunbar clears the sea for water tractor (Rousse)

On a Friday at the height of summer, day trippers gathered at the coast in Dunbar to sunbathe and swim in the North Sea.

I passed KT laying out a blanket in a suntrap on the grass as I made my way to the steps down to the narrow swimming channel. Then I dropped in the water and enjoyed the 100  metre tide-powered ride. TPR followed close behind me.

At the end of the channel I noticed a couple of men in academic dress. They demanded that everyone exit the water immediately. We all had to make room for a small tractor that was on its way to my next door neighbour’s house to start a garden makeover.

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