Upmarket afternoon tea in Stockbridge (Rousse)

The Stockbridge salon owner tried to scuttle away when I walked in, but I made sure that she could not ignore me. She managed to squeeze out a chilly acknowledgement, then left me to one of her staff.

I had come in for a trim, but when a waitress led me to a table laid out for afternoon tea, I could tell that the nature of the business was no longer hairdressing.  Instead it was an upmarket café. This was going to cost me a fortune – and I wasn’t even ready for a cup of tea!

Then a bunch of colleagues joined me. After everyone else had scoffed themselves silly, I was left to pay the bill.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Naked karaoke (Rousse)

Naked karaoke was all the rage. Hordes of people queued for the chance to perform in a special booth.

TPR was always the first in line, keen to flaunt his body at any opportunity.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Treasures of Ophelia and the Brontë sisters (Rousse)

‘This is our sculpture of Ophelia’, I announced proudly, pointing at a pile of weed in a dirty stream. ‘And behind us, under that hillock, Jane Austen buried a relic of the Brontë sisters’.

My new colleagues were either genuinely impressed, or far too polite to question the importance (and in the case of the second, the viability) of these two claims. This was probably because they could boast no such treasures at their former place of employment – the Bradford-on-Swale College.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Bill Murray, boob man (Belle)

Located in a massive mountain lodge, I was working at the ‘industry event of the year’. It was my job to make sure the booze and the conversations flowed freely. I ran around all night, breaking my previous Fitbit records. Towards the end of the evening I spotted two old friends eating dinner and ignoring me. It was my old pal, Bill Murray, raising his glass to me from across the room, who snapped me out of my sadness.

I acknowledged his thoughtfulness by flashing him. Needless to say, he raised his glass again, celebrating my boobs.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

University fairground attraction with lemon drizzle cake (Rousse)

I panicked when I first arrived at work because I thought that I had forgotten to pack my trousers. It was such a relief to find them at the bottom of my bag, and be able to dress for a day in the office.

Before classes and meetings started, however, all academics, PhD students and those in professional services roles were summoned to a massive staff assembly. I followed PhD graduates IB, LM, JM, FR to a table in the corner of the hall. On my way there, an administrator thrust a huge slice of lemon drizzle cake into my hand.

We had only just settled into our seats when we learnt that we had been volunteered for a test run of the University’s new fun fair. Our tables and chairs transformed into a small open cabin hoisted high into the air. We spun past all the main buildings on campus, able to peer into offices, class rooms, labs, and libraries on all levels. Colleagues who had decided to give the assembly a miss stared out of their windows in astonishment.

I felt sorry for anyone who suffered from motion sickness. I also pitied JB. She complained loudly that this experience would make her late for her keynote speech later that morning.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Dirty animal invasion (Rousse)

Two surprises greeted me when I came home. First, my mother had cooked a delicious dinner and already washed up; second, the C-Is had come to stay.

There was a problem, however, with the latter. RC-I brought with him a menagerie of pets. The three tiny Labrador puppies weren’t too much trouble, but the incontinent cat and pooping rabbits created mess everywhere. In addition, the rabbits had taken to nibbling their way through all the soft furnishings in the study.

I rounded up all the animals and handed them back to RC-I in a wicker laundry basket.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Party crashers (Rousse)

It was meant to be a small gathering of my immediate colleagues, but the invitation had  spread much further than intended. Now I found myself serving food and drinks to a wide range of staff. I was so overcome that I couldn’t remember the full name of Sharon, one of the newest PhD students in my research group.

Meanwhile friends from my undergraduate and school days began to arrive. These included ECM, who displayed her art work, and JG, who gave me a huge hug. I hoped that they didn’t feel cheated when they discovered that the majority of guests were strangers to them.

Things turned nasty when some of the staff from Facilities lit up to smoke. I ordered them outside, but they refused to leave – so I stomped off myself, TPR in tow.

When we returned we discovered that our ‘guests’ had vandalised our back garden. The lawn was in shreds, and the bird feeders lay in ruins on the ground.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Audience pities overweight dancers (Rousse)

On stage three extremely overweight young women performed an elaborate dance.

Meanwhile the extremely overweight young woman seated next to me shifted in evident discomfort, most likely picking up the pity of the audience for the artistes, and reflecting on her own size.

My companion really needed to put an end to her terrible eating habits. Earlier in the day I had witnessed her stuffing an entire sandwich into her mouth in one go. No wonder she was so enormous.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Badger captures squirrel (Rousse)

A badger sped past with a grey squirrel (most likely dead) in its mouth.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Dreamaticus is unpopular (Rousse)

Three decades after we first met, I came face-to-face with SB-V again. Whereas in the past she had been a willing participant in my work, for example as a placement host for undergraduate students and a visiting speaker on business information provision, today she regarded me with scorn.

With her bottle blond bob, and grinning through an incongruously wide white smile, she declared that she wanted nothing more to do with me. I begged to know the reason.

‘Because you post online ludicrous stories about your dreams and the people that feature in them’ she replied.

How ironic…

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment