NHS funding crisis: solutions Dreamaticus-style (Rousse)

Posted on August 29, 2011 by Dreamaticus

The local hospital held a fund-raising sale of old medical equipment. When I spotted the beautiful collection of old porcelain bed pans and potties I knew instantly that LF would want to buy them all. However, her contribution – though worthy – would not save the NHS. I wondered why the hospital staff had not simply planned a trip to the English south coast where the shores are lined with gold.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The dangers of internet shopping (Belle)

Posted on August 29, 2011 by Dreamaticus

While showing off my internet auctions skills I accidentally bought a painting by Gustav Klimt for £1million. Shortly afterwards there was a London-wide blackout and I planned to excuse my time-wasting purchase as a ‘power surge’.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Rousse dismantles international drug trafficking ring

Posted on August 28, 2011 by Dreamaticus

My role in the efforts to combat international drug trafficking was so important that I was forced into hiding. Meanwhile my learned pal CO and buzzy AB worked tirelessly to ensure that I would never be discovered across the border in my Sheffield hide-out.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Nelson Mandela a surprise breakfast guest (Belle)

Posted on August 27, 2011 by Dreamaticus

It wasn’t clear who my breakfast guests were at first. They had arrived via speedboat from the other side of the bay and were wrapped up in full-length, hooded, fake leopardskin gowns. Only when they removed their hoods did I realise that, despite being the last to leave the party the night before, Nelson Mandela, and his wife were visiting us again.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Beckham crisis for HRH Queen Elizabeth II (Rousse)

Posted on August 25, 2011 by Dreamaticus

It was a constitutional crisis. The Queen herself conveyed the disappointing news to a bewildered nation: contrary to popular belief, David and Victoria Beckham were not legally married.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Number 26 bus to the rescue (Rousse)

Posted on August 24, 2011 by Dreamaticus

I went out drinking with TPR and his former colleague LC. They got so drunk that I was forced to confiscate LC’s car keys and shove the pair of them on the number 26 bus to get them home safely.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Morecombe and Wise not funny: it’s official (Rousse)

Posted on August 23, 2011 by Dreamaticus

As we walked along the seafront Eric Morecombe and I analysed classic British comedy series. I managed to express how some simply were not funny, cleverly avoiding mention of how much I disliked Morecombe and Wise.

Later I was back on duty at the communal garden and laundrette. Someone had been stealing from the washing powder supply again.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Royal Liverpool Insurance diversifies into the holiday market (Rousse)

Posted on August 23, 2011 by Dreamaticus

The Royal Liverpool Insurance Company offers genteel holiday accommodation in Scarborough, especially favoured by trades union officials.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Desert island discs and Rousse’s knickers

Posted on August 22, 2011 by Dreamaticus

1000 tracks had been assembled in response to my idea for a student Desert Island Discs evening. AJ’s pal Richard did most of the work, seeing this as an opportunity for raising his profile in readiness for an application for a full-time lecturing post.

Unfortunately a succession of technical hiccups meant that the show in the large lecture theatre didn’t get underway until 06:10, and this proved extremely inconvenient to me three hours later when I had to start an exam in the adjoining room. When I went through to complain about the noise someone grabbed me, hauled me up high into the rafters of the lecture theatre, then dropped me head-first into the audience below.

By some miracle I head-planted into a midnight blue velvet turban and did not break my neck. However, I was extremely embarrassed when my pink cotton skirt fell forward to reveal to all my silky black knickers.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Jordan heart attack scare (Rousse)

Posted on August 22, 2011 by Dreamaticus

Katie Price (aka Jordan) worked as a member of my house clearance swat team. On this day we faced our biggest challenge yet: a secret mission to my parents’ house where we would sort out all their belongings. The actual job, however, was not the problem. I cautioned Katie “For goodness sake, please do not reveal to my father who you were in your previous career”. I feared that he would instantly die of a heart attack if he learnt that he had Jordan in his house.

Read about Katie Price’s other antics on Dreamaticus:

  • Ramon Marquez stars as Jordan in birthday biopic (Rousse)
  • Jordan spotted “snogging” mystery hunk (Rousse)
  • Katie Price’s (aka Jordan) career on the conference circuit, and a life of crime in Australia (Rousse)
  • Katie Price hunts for husband number 8 (Rousse)
  • Katie Price returns to work as earnings drop (Rousse)
    • Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment