The apprehension of Interpol’s most wanted (Rousse)

We were coming to the end of the Christmas vacation and were thoroughly partied out. When TM, SC and I returned to our hotel at 06:40 after another heavy night, we wondered how on earth we would cope with getting out of bed at the same time when we returned to work two days later.

I had spent so much of the vacation at this hotel in the company of Pavros that the staff now assumed that we were romantically connected. They’d even attached a special nameplate in our honour to my hotel bedroom door. I didn’t mind, so long as TPR never saw it. Pavros and I were, obviously, not an item – short and stocky, he simply wasn’t my type – although I did enjoy his company. Anyway, he had just spent most of the evening with a slim, dark-haired, 17 year-old, Greek girl, and it looked like he would be bringing her back to our room for what was left of the night.

We let ourselves in and prepared for bed. Just as I was about to turn in for the “night” four uniformed men stepped quietly through the bedroom door. They mouthed that I should remain quiet, then indicated their quarry through the clever us of hand signals. It appeared that I had been harbouring an international criminal for the past fortnight, and this squad from Interpol had come to apprehend him. My role for now was to ensure that Pavros came quietly.

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Puppet maker passenger puts her trust in the professor (Rousse)

Stuck in traffic, I noticed a woman with a baby on her lap at the bus window. Seated towards the back of the ground floor of the bus, and almost level with us, she was the spitting image of JS. When our queue edged forward, TPR pointed out another identical woman. She was travelling a few seats further forward from the first.

TPR wound down our passenger side window and attempted to attract the attention of the two women. They both waved back enthusiastically, then one confirmed that they both already knew that they looked like clones of JS because we’d pointed this out to them in the past.

“Give them my business card”, I instructed TPR, “and persuade one of them to pass over hers. Then we can ask them to send a couple of photos to be forwarded to JS.”

The women were dubious that we were trustworthy enough to share contact details. “Read my card!” I insisted, “I am a respectable person”. The job title of “professor” appeared to win her over, and soon I was clutching the contact details of one of women. It said that she was a puppet maker based in Bristol. With such credentials, I wondered whether she had ever heard of the Scottish Falsetto Sock Puppet Theatre.

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Badger Peeping Tom discovered in ladies’ toilets (Rousse)

It was not so unusual for me to meet up with my university pals SL and HJ (or SC and HJ as they were), but when we also saw GG and GK come into the café, we were rather surprised. We left the pair of them alone to chat for a while on a table not so far from ours, and before long we had forgotten that they were even there. It was only when a third man entered the room that we started to sit up and really take notice. Dressed in a tweed jacket, and looking exactly as we remembered from the mid-1980s, PM approached the boys’ table.

If this was not enough excitement for one day, I later found a Peeping Tom in the ladies’ toilets. Hanging over the cubicle, and observing me at close range, was an an adult badger. What on earth was a badger was doing out and about in the middle of the day?

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A rally driving experience for Rousse

I was waiting outside Birdham St James church for the instruction to change into my wedding outfit when TPR asked me to accompany him and our brother-in-law RH to the Isle of Lewis. I jumped into the car, and before long we found ourselves in the Outer Hebrides.

What I hadn’t appreciated was that the bride and groom intended to marry in private on Uig Sands (in the rain, unfortunately), then travel back to Birdham for the church ceremony. Nor did I know that I was meant to be participating with TPR and RH in both events. It was alright for the two of them: they were already dressed in their morning suits. I, however, was wearing a worn and faded black linen skirt, a tatty old jumper, and lilac pop socks. There was no way that I would appear in public in such an outfit.

So, while TPR and RH headed off to the first part of the ceremony (with a woman called Andrea in a yellow trouser suit), I spent the rest of the day racing around the island by myself. Although the car brakes weren’t working and I didn’t wear a seatbelt, I somehow survived my designed-on-the-fly Hebridean rally course.

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Levitation and French poetry (Rousse)

I tried so hard to resist, but I just couldn’t help myself levitate at the reunion. GG tried to talk me down as I floated up to the ceiling, but the pull upwards was too great, and I soon disappeared through the hatch into the attic.

By the time I came back down again I was determined to find FD to complete some unfinished business. We’d been such good friends in our early teens, then lost touch. Reunited again, we were now about to embark on a joint writing project. Our book on the life and work of an unknown (as yet) French poet was bound to be an international bestseller.

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Holy Island attractions: gannet catching and whale riding (Rousse)

All these years I’d hankered over a cottage with sea views, yet failed to acknowledge that my needs were already met by the house on Holy Island. Now that the developers had started work, I finally recognised my stupidity in so rarely taking advantage of such easy access to the family’s shared holiday cottage. The huge new windows going into all the houses along the small terrace could only enhance their value as ideal viewpoints for Lindisfarne castle, Bamburgh, and beyond.

A group of us wandered down to the beach where we dropped our belongings near a sand dune, then headed off to play along the shoreline. Our party was rather unusual in that it comprised several pairs of twins, plus a couple of 1995 graduates (KW and CS), both of whom I hadn’t seen for a long time. CS was particularly entertaining with his mid-air gannet catching, and whale riding.

Unfortunately we were having so much fun that we failed to notice the tide creep up the beach and wash away our belongings, including AM’s camera! A further problem was that with the tide at its height, we were now stranded on the island overnight, and I would not get back home in time to visit Granny H in hospital.

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Bimbo’s return (Rousse)

My colleague ST clearly did not expect to see me at work that day. She’d taken over the whole office by moving the furniture around and inviting in a whole hoard of students. Now there was nowhere for me to sit and work.

“I’m glad you’re here” she said. “I didn’t know what to do about the dog”.

I glanced across the room and caught sight of a small white poodle. The dog was my responsibility: it was my music teacher Miss J’s pet. I hadn’t seen Bimbo since the late 1970s, but there was no denying that he was alive and well – and completely out of place on a university campus.

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Eyebrow horror at the seaside (Belle)

What a shock! When I looked at myself in the mirror I only had two half-eyebrows. Was this why I had been at the seaside for over a week and had yet to enter the water?

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Time to diet (Rousse)

While the others were at the morning marriage ceremony, TPR and I prepared for the afternoon celebrations. We scoured the woods for mushrooms, then brought our haul home to check against the text books. We didn’t want to risk poisoning our family members, all gathered together for S and A’s wedding followed by our 25th anniversary party.

While TPR worked his way through the basket of fungi I agonised over what to wear. I started with a pair of sheer black nylon knickers that laddered as I pulled them on. They were far too tight: I really did need to go on a diet. Then I couldn’t decide between dark and light tights. It was winter so a darker pair was probably more appropriate, but most of my party dresses were in pale pastel colours. When I reached the wardrobe to choose a dress I had to face the awful truth again. I was far too fat to fit into any of these clothes. A trip to the charity shops was my only hope of finding something to wear for the afternoon party.

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George Michael’s eyes (Rousse)

George Michael sought me out at CC’s flat in Edinburgh’s west end. George had heard about my work on digital personhood and was keen to volunteer as a case study celebrity whose privacy was frequently compromised.

While I was delighted that he shared my research interests, what I really wanted to see were George’s eyes. “Please take off your sunglasses” I requested.

As he did so, I reached for my iPad to source an old photo of my undergraduate pal PS. Back in the 1980s we frequently commented on how PS “had” George Michael’s eyes. Here was the perfect opportunity to check whether or not this was true.

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