Failed cat photographer seeks new post at music school (Rousse)

It was pouring in Edinburgh and very difficult for me to navigate the puddles on my way to my 9:15 exercise class on campus. There was a real risk that I would arrive late. Along the route I heard the cries of animals in distress. By the side of the wood, inside a wooden hutch, I found two cats and a clutch of kittens. On the outside of the structure were various screens that relayed scenes from the interior. These allowed the curious to observe the cats’ antics in real time. I wanted to photograph the kittens, but all my attempts were hopeless.

I was late on campus, as feared, and bound to miss my strength training class. I made matters worse by stopping EH in the corridor to enquire about her recent ski-ing holiday. She answered that this went reasonably well, but she hated carrying her skis from her accommodation to the slopes and back again each day. The two-hour trek along the motorway twice daily was excessive.

I struggled to find my office because I had forgotten that I’d agreed to move to the D corridor, and that all the rooms there had been renumbered. I eventually reached my room at the far end. My immediate neighbours were unfriendly engineers who thought nothing of using my room as a short cut to other parts of the building, wandering in and out of my space, even when I was changing into my gym kit.

I also despaired at the state of my room. It was so full of tables, shelving and books that it resembled a tatty public library. I wondered if moving me here and dumping all these items in my room was simply a plot to infuriate me sufficiently that I would resign my post? One of my external colleagues – an emeritus professor at the National Library of Scotland – thought so. She encouraged me to take up another such appointment at the music school instead.

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Idi Amin’s secret son (Rousse)

I couldn’t sleep so, in the middle of the night, I visited our old neighbours. It was about 1:00am and they were watching television as a wind-down before bedtime. I recognised an episode of The book group on the screen. Our huge drawing room was used for most of the scenes in this series.

On my way back home again, I bumped into some young soldiers on duty guarding the city. One was my Zimbabwean former student PS. He told me that he had just learnt that his father was Idi Amin. Now he was a celebrity amongst the ranks.

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Exposed at Villa Park and a travel guide to a Hollywood star (Belle)

As I was wheeling my suitcase slowly up a hill, I was accosted by two men, drinking cans of lager and invading my personal space. My normal response in such situations (aggressive, foul language) was not working and I felt a small flicker of concern about where this was going. Suddenly, the two men were joined by a third friend who fell noisily onto the pavement. This diversion meant I could continue on to my hotel.

The next morning, I tumbled sleepily out of bed, opened the curtains and was surprised to see my hotel room was on the touchline at Villa Park. A small crowd cheered half-heartedly at my bed-hair and knickers.

Later I was in the front bedroom of my former best friend, helping her open her time capsule box. In the box we discovered one of the best selling books of 1999 – The Lonely Planet Guide to Gwyneth Paltrow.

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Dealing with an Uber scammer (Rousse)

The Uber driver must have tricked his passengers dozens of times, but the four of us would not be fooled. We played along when he turned a short 10 minute trip to town into the charade of an extended trek through swathes of countryside and rural villages.

Our plan was to assume the role of satisfied customers, pay the fare by credit card, cancel the payment as soon as the vehicle drove off, and then complain to Uber.

Meanwhile I admired the lush Sicilian landscape. My only concern was to be home in time to reach my exercise class.

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The Paris Apple iwatch thief (Rousse)

When we rented a one-bedroomed studio holiday apartment in Paris, we didn’t expect that it would be open to other visitors day and night, and completely insecure.

The thief who stole my iwatch cleverly replaced it with another watch of the same size with an almost identical black face. This meant that I didn’t immediately notice the switch. When I did, I was distraught.

I was therefore extremely relieved when a woman revealed to me that she had found my iwatch in her locked locker.

The stranger handed over the iwatch, turned on her heel, and disappeared down the street into the tourist crowds. She moved so quickly that we missed the opportunity to question her about her discovery of stolen goods.

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Undergraduate accommodation options (Rousse)

Student finances were so tight that the university accommodation choice for the typical undergraduate student boiled down to:

  1. A very expensive traditional room in hall
  2. A ‘blow-up bedroom’ – effectively a blow-up mattress inside a tiny tent
  3. ‘Suitcase sleeping’ – officially two students per suitcase, although many tried to cram in more as a money-saving tactic

I expected TPR to go for option 1, but I couldn’t find him anywhere in hall. I later learnt that he had moved in with his Uncle Ray and had no desire ever to see me again.

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Uninvited garden vandals (Rousse)

What a sight greeted me when I opened the back door!

Someone had bored a massive circular 20 foot deep hole in the centre of the lawn, most likely using the heavy duty digger that stood against the wall next to the street. There were also piles and piles of rubble all over the flower beds.

I identified a foreman skulking beside the wall that we shared with our next door neighbour. I asked him for the identity of those who had vandalised my beautiful garden.

‘My team’, he replied, ‘following the instructions of the family in the ground floor flat.’

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Nicking a notebook, a nightclub, and finding photos from the 1980s (Rousse)

The brand new thick red-covered notebook on my mother-in-law’s kitchen table was ideal for my assessment task. I grabbed a black Sharpie pen, then very neatly wrote the title of my work on the cover.

Almost as soon as I popped the lid back on the pen, I experienced shame for claiming the property of my niece F. I sought her out, apologised, and offered to take her shopping to buy her a bigger, better, replacement notebook. We devised a plan that would accommodate the 16 year-old’s Saturday nightclub visit and overnight stay in Brighton.

I needed some shots of France in the 1980s to include in my notebook. Back home I asked TPR (lying on the kitchen table) to find some images for me from his massive photo archive.

His grumpy reply was both irritating and embarrassing. Did he really need to speak so rudely to me? And why do so in front of JM, who was busy cooking supper at our house while HAA ‘s flat in Woodpecker Street was out of action.

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Secret old lady’s clothes stash discovered in toddler’s bedroom (Rousse)

Just when we thought that I had dealt with all my mother’s personal effects following her death, I discovered a small chest of drawers stuffed with some of her clothes – in the bedroom of a small blonde child that we were babysitting.

TPR and I emptied the drawers and laid the contents on the floor. I recognised most of the garments. However, I was surprised to find amongst them several new items. These were most likely NWT purchases from charity shops. A couple were suitable for me so I stuffed them into my bag.

The identity of the person who had hidden this stash soon became obvious. A clear plastic bag amongst the clothes crammed with screws, pins, a full pack of wine gums, and half a roll of Refreshers convinced us that the culprit was my sister S.

When we met my other sister J to tell her of our discovery, I had another surprise. She’d slimmed down to a size 8 and was dressed in a top, skirt, tights and shoes all the same insipid colour (pale butterscotch).

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Ignored by Canadians (Rousse)

At my cousin’s farm in Somerset, I shared JB’s bath water and TPR sorted out our Mac accessories while the Canadian branch of the family ignored us.

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