Breakfast in the mountains (Rousse)

TPR’s new office was found deep in the mountains. The one café nearby appeared to be perfectly situated for breakfast before work.  Before TPR started his new role, we decided to give it a try.

The proprietor explained:

  1. A full breakfast was offered to construction workers at 6:00am.
  2. A cup of tea could possibly be provided to others from 7:00am.
  3. Full breakfast was back on the menu for everyone at 8:30am.
  4. Any left-overs were given away free of charge at 8:45am.

The proprietor had been forced to adopt this timetable due to the scarcity of staff in the mountains.

TPR concluded that it would be simpler to eat breakfast at home each day before he set off for work.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

News of a Chelsea pensioner (Rousse)

A scruffy man in a ragged soldier’s uniform turned up at our door.

At first I thought that he was wearing a Salvation Army outfit. Then I recognised the insignia of the Chelsea pensioners on his shoulder. He was dressed in the Royal Hospital residents’ everyday ‘Blues’.

Our visitor brought news of my husband’s long-dead grandfather, a one-time fellow resident of the Hospital.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

House clearance woes (Rousse)

We truly believed that our days of house clearance were over. So we were all shocked when my brother-in-law and I unearthed yet more (mainly) junk hidden in an alcove of my childhood home.

My brother-in-law took a fancy to some Japanese watercolours, and I wondered if my maternal grandfather’s walnut desk might fit in our study. However, this was little comfort when we realised that we now faced yet another cycle of clearing, sorting, cataloguing –  and dealing with the auctioneer.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

A non-drinking beer magnate (Rousse)

Everyone was squeezed into a massive circular arena. Some were on theatre seats; a few sat in open-top cars.

The announcer thanked PMF’s beer company for sponsoring the whole event, pointing out that it was curious that PMF was not drinking himself this evening.

I turned round to face Mr and Mrs G seated in their open-top sports car just behind us. ‘That’s your former business partner’s grandson’ I mouthed to them.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Pilates pain (Rousse)

I walked into the pilates class to find my nemesis sitting on the floor at the back of the room, planning her next move.

She called me out on two counts: for being late (I was not), and my ‘enormous bottom’ (I’d seen larger).

The stand-in instructor immediately spotted the tension between us and marched us out of the studio. ‘She started it!’ I protested. My nemesis was enjoying this.

Not long afterwards the instructor chased after me. After five minutes alone in the company of my nemesis, she understood the problem. She welcomed me back to her class with an apology. My nemesis was banned from pilates forever.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Graham Robinson identified (Rousse)

A rather handsome man with dark red hair, and smudges of black eyeliner around his eyes, took his place at the end of the table.

‘Well hello there Rousse!’ he smiled with a great degree of familiarity.

‘Here we go again’ I despaired under my breath. ‘Another former student who expects me to remember him’. He smiled and waited.

Then inspiration struck! This was not a former student, but one of the old EdCM crew.

‘You’re Robinson, Graham Robinson, aren’t you?’ I suggested. My response impressed everyone at the table, not least myself.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

A pet lamb, a Schnauzer, and a monkey (Rousse)

TPR conceded that since our elderly long-term lodger kept us at home much of the year, we could add to our menagerie of creatures.

I ordered online a white pet lamb, an overweight Schnauzer dog, and a little monkey. They would all live inside the house with us (and not with our flock of black Hebridean sheep outdoors).

The monkey was a useful addition. He was very skilled at recognising the names of objects, and willing to fetch and carry them for us. The other two animals just wanted to be petted all the time.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

An extra-marital affair and golf (Rousse)

I confronted TPR in the family bathroom, unaware that TEF was climbing out of the bath.

‘I know that you are having an affair with DTJ!” I screeched. How could he be so disloyal? And what was she doing cosying up to me, inviting me out for girlie drinks while she was sleeping with my husband?

Although he could offer no excuse for his disappointing behaviour, I was prepared to forgive TPR – so long as he brought the affair to an end. I told him this lying in a hotel bed in St Andrews, sandwiched between him and another man, with just a thin piece of card separating us from the stranger. (Summer accommodation was at a premium in the famous golf resort. The hotels had resorted to all sorts of ingenious ways of cramming as many tourists as possible into each bedroom.)

Then I turned to our bedfellow and struck up a conversation. He told us that he was a golf professional called Steve King. This excited TPR, and he immediately wanted to ‘talk golf’ with him. Unfortunately for him, the autograph hunters at the other side of the room attracted Mr King’s attention first. Then a small dark woman started to speak through puffed out cheeks, in a quiet, breathless way. She too was a golf professional.

All interest in solving our marital problems evaporated in a frenzy to find out who else was sharing our hotel room. Was that an Olympic rowing team in the en suite bathroom?

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

(More) conference confusion (Rousse)

My sister S drove the rickety old grey Land Rover. Her passengers were my other sister, her husband, their daughter, and their daughter’s partner. They carried hardly any luggage having ‘gone minimal’ after their recent house clearance experiences.

This meant that there was plenty of room for them to carry the last few contents of my office: my Marvel comic collection, and two big print orders (both sets of journal article reprints). I directed them into town and on to campus via the by-pass.

Their arrival interrupted a conference session during which authors of the papers listed in the programme were meant to make short informal presentations. The session was in complete confusion because (a) authors of co-authored papers were arguing over who would speak; (b) not everyone had a full set of papers in their delegate packs; (c) nobody had been appointed session chair.

I was implicated in the chaos as someone that others expected to take the lead, and as a co-author named on three papers, including one with CI.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

A burglar’s furniture fetish (Rousse)

Every time that I walked into the sitting room, the two sofas were arranged in a different way from before: both pushed against the window; one upside down, one upright; one next to the radiator the right way up, the other balanced on one end against the door to the kitchen.

How could this be? My mother, who was the last person in the room, didn’t even have the strength to lift a cushion.

When I reported all this to TPR, he concluded that there must be a burglar in the house. I walked into the hall to ring the police.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment