Bed-hopping and a reward of silver (Rousse)

Posted on February 8, 2025 by Dreamaticus

There was no room to accommodate CO and AM when they visited. so TPR and I gave up our own bed for them.

The following day TPR joined AM for a lie-in, and she gave me her silver watch. CO was not happy.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

House clearing woes – again (Rousse)

Posted on January 31, 2025 by Dreamaticus

‘Oh no, here we go’ I groaned as I faced the mess and decrepitude of my parents’ ‘new’ house.

I foresaw months of clearing (again). The only pleasure that I could possibly take from this would be to sort through broken jewellery with my mother and sister J.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Spitting nails (Belle)

Posted on January 30, 2025 by Dreamaticus

I was visiting a hospital ward. All the beds had old-style iron frameworks, and the matron was fierce. What I couldn’t understand was, why was I visiting people in hospital when my mouth was so painful. I should be lying in one of those narrow beds.

To prove this point, I reached into my mouth. A tooth fell out, followed by several false acrylic fingernails, painted navy blue.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Lion cubs join Oxford University for freshers week (Rousse)

Posted on January 29, 2025 by Dreamaticus

Dressed only in a navy blue towel, I wandered around chilly Oxford cursing the snow – and TPR, now onto the xth affair of our marriage.

The new undergraduates looked both puzzled and proud at their achievement of winning places at one of the world’s top universities. As well as his daughter, one delighted father dropped off a pair of lion cubs for the start of the new academic year.

I hoped that I would be able to find my cousin B and her small son, my sister J, and both my parents at my grandmother’s house in the town, as well as Granny T herself.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Shoplifters in Sainsburys (Rousse)

Posted on January 28, 2025 by Dreamaticus

On each morning for four days, I visited the meat counter at Sainsburys. A family of four did the same. Unlike me, however, they never placed a single joint in their trolley. I wondered if they might be shoplifters, but kept this thought to myself.

On the fifth day, when TPR accompanied me, we all followed the same routine. I chose some meat for purchase as the family lingered next to me, watching intently. The single difference this day was that we all left the supermarket at the same time.

Just outside the entrance I felt a sudden pain in my kidneys. The teenage daughter had kneed me from behind. TPR leapt to fight back.

‘Leave this with me’ I said, ‘There is a much better way to deal with this.’

I marched back into the shop to voice my shoplifter suspicions to the store manager.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Lockerbie one-upwomanship (Rousse)

Posted on January 27, 2025 by Dreamaticus

I was working as an au pair for a vile vain woman who treated me as her inferior in status and intelligence. She also employed three young foreign woman in her kitchen at night.

When I learnt that the others were students at Sunderland University, I wondered if I should reveal my true identity. When I did so, one of the students begged to know more about my domain of expertise.

I didn’t get the chance to respond. This was because our employer immediately butted in to boast that she was heavily involved in the aftermath of the bombing of Pan Am Flight 103 over Lockerbie on 21st December 1988.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Identification of an eighteenth century island greenhouse (Rousse)

Posted on January 27, 2025 by Dreamaticus

‘It looks eighteenth century to me. Do you know the architect?’ asked the super-snobby woman seated with her grandmother on my mother-in-law’s sofa.

Whatever gave her the impression that I would know anything about an ancient greenhouse on an island in the middle of lake?

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Vintage car escapes bombing (Rousse)

Posted on January 27, 2025 by Dreamaticus

With the others, I observed the arrival of the Rolls Royce from my vintage Riley. It glided around the corner and parked outside the long cottage. A fleet of shiny black SUVs followed, carrying men in matching suits carrying binoculars.

What’s going on? we asked one another.

Then we looked up and saw a massive metal object the size of an up-ended container ship drop from a huge height above us.

I screamed ‘Bomb!’ while everyone else reached to wind up the car windows.

As the ‘bomb’ struck the ground, one of the men forced my car into gear, then pressed hard on the accelerator. We escaped the explosion in a cloud of dust and debris.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Shoreditch Dachshund Challenge (Belle)

Posted on January 27, 2025 by Dreamaticus

I had been busy flirting with the owner of the new antique shop, hoping he would give me the address of a secret auction house. However, the longer he refused to share this information, the more obsessed with him I became.

Through stealthy detective work, I discovered he had a fondness for extreme sports and was a participant in a new weekend event in trendy Shoreditch. I arrived at the starting point in time to see my man, clad in Lycra and a crash helmet, lying prone on a trolley being pushed through a small hole in a front door. I asked another spectator what was going on. This was the first ever Shoreditch Dachshund Challenge, where participants attempted to squeeze through as many tiny Dachshund doggie doors as possible in an hour.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The pensioners’ orgy (Belle)

Posted on January 21, 2025 by Dreamaticus

As my friend parked our bright blue car on the high street, I spotted my friend T walking through the front door of a house. This came as a surprise to me as I hadn’t seen him since he died in the late 1980s. I decided to knock on the same door to say hello.

The door was opened by an impossibly elderly woman. Before I could explain who I was, I looked over her shoulder and saw that a full-scale orgy was taking place. There was a tangle of bodies and walking sticks and wheelchairs. There was no sign of T.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment