Fried eggs and a friendship fractured (Rousse)

My friendship with Belle was over, and it was all my fault.

I invited two extra women that I barely knew to visit, even though Belle was meant to be my guest of honour. At the time we were also having all sorts of problems with our burglar alarm, and the foul-mouthed men who came to fix it made everyone feel very uncomfortable.

Given the circumstances, I decided that it would be much easier to cook Belle’s breakfast up the road at VJ’s flat. I gave her and the two other guests a slice of toast each, then headed out the door, promising to return with three fried eggs within ten minutes.

When I reached VJ’s flat, however, I found fierce competition for frying pan space. Here several others were already crowded around the cooker making breakfast for their own guests. I begged an Indian man for a corner of his pan, but by the time that he was able to granted me this there were no eggs left to cook. I gave up and went to work.

Meanwhile Belle and her new companions were waiting for me to return to my flat with their breakfast. Stranded indoors all day, by the evening all three of them were furious with me.

I tried to placate them with promises of a punk band in a bar at the corner of Dundas Street.  Then I ruined everything when I lost my way there.

The thin red-haired girl in the pale green ballgown was especially angry. She refused to pay me any further attention when I started to reminisce about my time as an undergraduate in Nantes.

Meanwhile Belle had already broken off our friendship forever.

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A faithful wife and an unfaithful husband (Rousse)

My ex-boyfriend ST and I arranged to stay in a hotel in the south of England and use this as a base to visit our other exes. I did not trust ST when I climbed into our huge shared bed for the night. However, I got through the ordeal unscathed, largely because I ensured that I was fully armoured in my red and white fleece pyjamas.

My husband TPR was obviously not pleased with me when I joined him the next day to visit the magnificent coast line and the town museum. He refused to walk with me along the cliffs or help me find the best angle to photograph the model village, and he hid from me amongst the museum exhibits.

When I finally cornered TPR in the fossil section he confessed that he had slept with many of my friends over the years, and most recently with WB. Now it was my turn to show immense displeasure.

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A house move to Malaysia and a musty old school (Rousse)

RL and SL and said that they were moving to Kansas, but now their plans had changed. Their new home would be Malaysia.

Before they left for Asia, RL recommended me for a teaching post at an Edinburgh private school. TPR came with me for the interview in the me in the musty old building. We were such a couple of frauds. There was no way that I would ever work with these tweed-clad crumblies.

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Calorie burning and a code cracker (Rousse)

I invented a new form of fitness equipment that would make my fortune. It was a type of spinning tray that could be used at home on any carpeted floor. Never had burning calories been so much fun!

TPR interrupted me in the hall while I was testing the prototype of my new invention. He was in such a state of excitement that I predicted his next words: ‘I have cracked the code’.

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Escape and P (Rousse)

When I took down all the posters from my office walls  it was obvious that I would need to call Facilities and ask for the whole room to be repainted. There was even student graffiti to remove. Fortunately I would be away for a couple of months, so this job could be done during my absence.

I put in my office repaint job request by email using a computer keyboard that had only two keys: escape and P.

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Decluttering by the book (Rousse)

I couldn’t believe it. I caught my mother reading a book about decluttering!

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Busty buck-toothed singer charms folk festival audience (Rousse)

KT left her seat and took to the stage. Then the rest of the choir pushed out through the door to the right of me, poured down the main aisle and climbed the steps to line up behind the star singer.

BK, who was orchestrating the whole folk festival, introduced the act. Then KT’s voice sang out across the audience. Everyone was spellbound: many could not believe that this woman was a mere amateur.

My mother was amongst a few who did not recognise KT in the spotlight. I explained that KT looked different because she was wearing goofy false teeth and a tight, busty bodice as part of her role.

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A kiss and a cuddle in the science museum (Rousse)

We returned to Northfield, Birmingham to visit S and NY and family, all crammed into our old two-bedroomed house.

The neighbourhood was much smarter than in our day, largely due to the conversion of the former rat run into a quiet cul de sac, and the building of new houses to replace their shabby predecessors. For example, a beautiful pale-blue painted wooden chalet had been constructed where T and M’s old house once stood.

The demolition work in the surrounding area also opened up the views to the stone circle in the near distance. However, best of all, was the brand new science museum at the end of the street. If I still lived in Abbeydale Road, I’d spend all my free time there. This was especially attractive now that I knew that MS could be found there too, and that he was often up for a wee kiss and cuddle with me amongst the exhibits.

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Champion rock climber cheats death (Rousse)

I was so strong that the National Trust (NT) employed me on a regular basis to carry the back end of a Land Rover over rough ground.

On this occasion the NT staff were patrolling a site of outstanding natural beauty on a cliffy peninsula. The sandy beaches and Caribbean blue coves below were very popular with holiday-makers, despite the dangerous access.

I did all I could to keep hold of the vehicle as it trundled down the steep sandy path, but eventually my strength gave way and I went tumbling over the edge of the track. If I hadn’t also trained as a champion rock climber, I would surely have crashed to my death on the rocks below.

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A tandem racing bike at the Balmoral Hotel (Rousse)

I saw two athletes with a tandem racing bike on Princes Street, Edinburgh. The wheels of their steed were the same size as those on the front of a penny farthing bicycle.

Just outside the Balmoral Hotel, the lycra-clad stoker was struggling to mount the back seat. This looked an impossible feat.

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