A cave holiday with a two-husband trip to Edinburgh Zoo (Rousse)

TPR booked an unheated cave for our summer holiday in the far north of Scotland. Although compact, its floor-space was still greater than our first house in Birmingham. Red curtains at the ‘door way’ mouth provided adequate privacy.

When my second husband – BB – joined us for the weekend, we made an outing to Edinburgh Zoo. On arrival we noticed that some of the dog-goats had escaped their entrance enclosure. Then I remembered that SM had warned us about this – on Saturdays the animals are allowed to roam free, with all visitors warned that they enter the zoo at their own peril.

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Driving backwards to a dinner date (Rousse)

My mother put the Volvo into reverse, swivelled the driver’s seat to face the back of the car, and drove backwards along the dual carriageway. She disregarded my warnings that she risked crashing into the lorry behind us that was now in front.

Later we met JC, her mother, her sister (normally based in Australia) and her old boss (who was paying) for a meal out in Manchester.

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Trolley dolly meets step mommy (Belle)

I was wheeling a trolley of tea and digestive biscuits on an intercity train when the incident happened. My excitable behaviour resulted in a spillage over a passenger’s lap.

The train guard told me the person I had spilled tea on was my future step-mother, Natasha. I seemed to have forgotten how normal people behaved. I got great pleasure in pronouncing her name “Nat-osha” and chanted it loudly throughout the train.

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An exploration of Edinburgh’s infrared zone (Rousse)

TMcE was at the wheel as we headed along Queen Street, Edinburgh in the middle of the night. We were discussing the concert that we had all enjoyed in Glasgow earlier in the evening when the dark suddenly switched to infrared. This made it almost impossible for any of us pick out the road, the traffic, and the few pedestrians who were still up and about at 01:00am – and for TMcE to drive safely.

Eventually, when we emerged from the infrared zone, we were able to continue our journey in safety all the way to London. Here J and GC awaited us as their next set of guests.

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Sleeping with a student (Rousse)

The most gorgeous boy in class wanted to sleep with me, and the few people who knew this encouraged me to follow him into bed.

I suggested that we delay our tryst until after the exams. My young suitor could not wait. His impatience, however, was fatal to our plans when the others spotted me in the student hall of residence bedroom.

I pulled out of the arrangement at the last moment, primarily to save my career.

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Val McDermid in hidden class act (Rousse)

Val McDermid presented as an invited guest speaker to my undergraduate class. Unfortunately the students found it difficult to see her, hidden behind the stack of tables and chairs at the back of the classroom.

I could have done with McDermid’s knowledge of forensics earlier in the week when someone switched my Mac keyboard with an inferior model. I had left it unattended – along with my iPhone and purse – in the library of a Cambridge college. I had been under the (false) impression that no thieves would dare practise their trade in such an august establishment.

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Viking ship spotted off the Isle of Lewis (Rousse)

On a far northern shore of the Isle of Lewis the locals built a snowman – the size of a house. They saved it from melting over the summer months by topping it up with ice from their domestic freezers.

When I heard that JG was driving RG to the top of the island to secretly dispose of his (stolen?) orange military bags, I asked if we could tag along. We would enjoy a ride out in the car, and combine this with a visit to the snowman.

The timing of our trip was such that from the coast road we also witnessed the progress of a magnificent Viking long ship sailing out into the wide Atlantic.

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Full make-up for a queen (Rousse)

I wore a face-full of make-up. I was meeting the Queen, after all.

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Theresa May’s penchant for red (Rousse)

I helped Theresa May select some new shoes. Her preference was for red wedged sandals.

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Black market fruit and vegetables and a broken iPhone (Rousse)

We stockpiled the fruit and vegetables just inside the main entrance to the university, not far from the reception desk where LM was on duty. Most of the students missed our little stall as they passed by on the way to their lectures. Those who did spot the produce seemed unaware that we were offering it free of charge.

To remedy this, I stood next to the piles of fruit and vegetables and pointed them out to the students. Many simply ignored me, but two that I taught took interest.

I later found OB and NM cramming as much produce as possible into their rucksacks at a time that they should have been in a statistics lecture. I feared that it was not their intention to adopt healthy eating habits, but that they planned to sell all this produce on the black market.

Meanwhile I had another problem: my iPhone was broken and could no longer take photographs. I showed it to LM, who diagnosed a broken casing. The only person we knew who could sort this out was JM, but he was nowhere to be found.

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