Private jets and potty mouth swears (Belle)

Posted on May 28, 2019 by Dreamaticus

I turned up at my old workplace to be told I had better hurry up and moderate the meeting that had just started. I wanted to know who was going to be writing up the report and my boss said: “You”. “Like Effy Jeffy, I am” I said.

Later I met SG and AL and told them about the dream I’d just had in which I’d said “Effy Jeffy” to my boss. They laughed kindly and took me shopping for second-hand shoes. A private Lear Jet landed nearby to take SG on her golfing weekend.  I made a fool of myself by pronouncing it “Jeer Let”.

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Isle of Wight wonders (Belle)

Posted on May 28, 2019 by Dreamaticus

When I studied my new poster map of the Isle of Wight, I saw galleon symbols all around the coastline. These, I learned, were the abandoned ‘ship-radio club-stations’ of the island. I determined to walk around the island and visit each one.

Later I hosted a celebratory festival on the island. There were fireworks over castles cut into the cliffs and I was the guest DJ, although my set was ruined by my inability to use the technology.

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Noisy neighbours upgrade Belle’s kitchen

Posted on May 28, 2019 by Dreamaticus

It was the middle of the night and the troublesome neighbours had parked six vans outside my house and were now having what sounded like a family get-together in my kitchen. I stormed downstairs and made a speech:

“You lot run around trampling on flower beds and are messy and noisy and cruel to animals”. They all stopped what they were doing and turned to look at me and I trailed off… “Well, not the last thing. I’ve never seen you being cruel to animals but I thought it would make a good close to the paragraph“.

In fact they were updating my kitchen for me, although I was cross to see the children had eaten my ‘pineapple flakes with licorice nibs’. I could see the empty Sainsbury’s basics packaging.

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Drug enforcer Belle

Posted on May 28, 2019 by Dreamaticus

Mary Portas briefed us. We were to travel to south west London and “get serious” with various defaulting gang members. To show how serious the situation was, she gave each of us an AK-47. Afterwards I realised that my gun was made of plastic and I was probably being set up.

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Strange happenings in Sheffield (Rousse)

Posted on May 27, 2019 by Dreamaticus

At the University of Sheffield iSchool AM taught photography skills in the lunch hour. Her keenest pupil was SW.

I also caught LA and IB moonlighting as PhD students in the same department.

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Naked runner upstages singer (Rousse)

Posted on May 27, 2019 by Dreamaticus

The singer at the staff awards party was a plump woman from HR. She sang well, but the audience paid more attention to her outfit than to her voice. She wore a gold mesh mini-dress that barely covered her scarlet underwear.

I went one better than her immediately afterwards – I stripped off completely to run home naked through the park.

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Stolen secret family treasure (Rousse)

Posted on May 26, 2019 by Dreamaticus

I reached up for the book on the top shelf in my long-dead paternal grandmother’s kitchen.

‘I’m taking Granny’s diary for safe-keeping’, I told my mother.

We both knew that I would hide it from my sisters and cousins, and keep this family treasure all to myself.

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Sock entertainer substitutes at book group (Rousse)

Posted on May 25, 2019 by Dreamaticus

JS left it too late to book the Scottish Falsetto Sock Puppet Theatre for our monthly book group meeting.

We would have to make do with an inferior footwear pair: the two white woollen stockings decorated with beady eyes sewn on by my sister.

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Three fakes: news, Northern Lights, and a female impersonator (Rousse)

Posted on May 24, 2019 by Dreamaticus

The desperation of the journalist was obvious when he started asking VAE and her sister to provide expert comment on every single topic to be covered in the radio news broadcast. In an attempt to fool his audience, he changed their names each time he needed a new live statement.

I soon had enough of this charade and left. Outside it was nightfall and the Northern Lights were playing across the bay. What a spectacle!

I told TPR everything when we met in the car park. He called me a fool for thinking that the tourist light show at the botanic garden was the Northern Lights. However,  I couldn’t take his criticism seriously when he was dressed in a red bikini under a kaftan. He looked like a very bad version of his sister SMcC in drag.

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Murderer deliberates over doll (Rousse)

Posted on May 24, 2019 by Dreamaticus

The blood-stained rag doll hung from a peg in the women’s changing room. I knew that I should take it away and burn it, but feared capture on CCTV.

If I were recorded showing even the slightest interest in the victim’s discarded toy, there was a strong possibility that I would be arrested and taken into custody on suspicion of murder.

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