An aeroplane exit and an Edinburgh Fringe entry (Rousse)

Posted on July 6, 2025 by Dreamaticus

I paid attention as the air steward ran through the safety announcement.

The instructions had changed. In an emergency, we were to exit through the roof of the plane. The route was through small marked holes in the ceiling. We should now check the small saucer-sized circles above our heads.

If I breathed in, I might be able to squeeze my way out, but what about the overweight man in the row in front of me?

I stopped worrying about all this when Avery (the young American woman seated next to me) complained that she couldn’t find her entry in the Edinburgh Fringe programme. I found it in seconds.  She wasn’t looking hard enough.

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Axe-wielding climate change protesters damage personal property (Rousse)

Posted on July 2, 2025 by Dreamaticus

I ran back to the train carriage just in time to collect my forgotten belongings. A few seconds later, and the cleaners would have scooped up everything for disposal.

Out of the station and onto the Edinburgh streets, I ran into a climate change rally. Protesters were marching along Lothian Road wielding axes.

I stopped in my tracks with a scream when a modest-looking middle class woman nicked my clothing with her weapon. Highly embarrassed, she helped me out of my grey cashmere cardigan with a promise to darn the garment and return it to me.

I continued my walk home amongst the protesters. Along the route I fell into conversation with another woman. She advocated for a local host scheme that offered a ‘good time’ to business visitors to the city. She explained that rather than sit in a hotel room preparing for her meetings the next day, she would much prefer a riotous night on the town with teacher training students.

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Starvation with a side of stag beetles (Belle)

Posted on June 24, 2025 by Dreamaticus

My mother served me a tiny dinner on a large plate. Nine peas! She was definitely trying to starve me.

I quickly forgot this shocking state of affairs when I saw my two, giant pet stag beetles on the patio. I asked them a burning question: “What exactly is the difference between puddings and cakes?”

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A valuable original blue Chopper bike (Rousse)

Posted on June 23, 2025 by Dreamaticus

My brother-in-law M owned an original blue Chopper bike. He was shocked when I told him that it was worth around £2,000.

My sister J – looking slim in yellow chiffon – was very pleased to hear this news.

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Garfields survive house clearance deadline (Rousse)

Posted on June 17, 2025 by Dreamaticus

Now that my youngest sister had cleared our parents’ house (albeit a year later than the ‘final’ deadline), my middle sister and I felt able to accept the new owner’s invitation to visit it once more and look at his renovations.

We loved the new botanic print curtains in the drawing room, but were appalled to see that our sister had been lying about having completed the clearance job. There were still several soft toys littered around the dining room. These included a collection of Garfields as well as our sister’s teddy YE.

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A pyrotechnic phone thief (Rousse)

Posted on June 14, 2025 by Dreamaticus

I was training for the Great North Run with OC. Just after we crossed the swing bridge, I saw a lost smartphone propped up on a road sign. I reached out to pick it up.

Suddenly, a man approached me, grabbed the phone from my hand, and claimed it for himself. I snatched it back again, then ran to my house and TPR, screaming for protection from the thief.

I thought that I had shaken off the villain, but then I saw him pushing a lit explosive through our letterbox.

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The care home ‘death routine’ (Rousse)

Posted on June 13, 2025 by Dreamaticus

Although my mother was still alive and well, the care home staff convinced me to participate in a dry-run of their ‘death routine’.

A carer showed me into a small room that contained a low, blue plastic platform.

‘This is where we lay the body’ she explained. ‘Now you wait here’.

As the walls of the room began to move, she stepped out of the way. I was now trapped alone in a thin corridor, listening to the squeak of trolley wheels nearby.

Then, when the walls were brought back to their normal position, I saw my mother’s corpse laid out on the blue plastic platform.

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My bearded Swedish love (Rousse)

Posted on June 8, 2025 by Dreamaticus

I really didn’t have much to do with the refereeing the journal article, but my new Swedish collaborator was keen for my input to be acknowledged.

I was happy to go along with this – especially because when we leant together over his laptop, his soft beard stroked my cheek.

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Curious rucksack contents (Rousse)

Posted on June 8, 2025 by Dreamaticus

I grabbed my rucksack and followed my Canadian colleague BD out the door. If this was the last time that we were together, I wanted to be with him as long as I could. We walked across the big public park, passing the Taiwanese embassy. Opposite the headquarters of Scotia Bank, I waved him off from the bus stop to the airport.

By now, my back was aching from carrying my rucksack. It was only when I opened it to check its contents that I remembered the smooth round rock that I had picked up on the beach. It had taken so long to find that I didn’t want to dump it, so I left it in there and continued walking.

Since I was now so close to the hospital, it seemed sensible to pop in to ask about the bleeding from the scar on my left breast. A fierce, officious nurse saw to me. She was efficient, even if she offered me no sympathy. At the end of my consultation she admonished me for having dumped the contents of my rucksack on the consulting room table, and for inviting a bunch of unruly final year students to clear up my mess.

I wanted to get out of there as soon as I could, but not without my ivory handled cutlery currently laid out on the table as if for a dinner party. I instructed the students to stop fighting, collect the cutlery, and leave.

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