Contributing to a Media and Cultural Studies compilation in Canada (Rousse)

Posted on May 31, 2025 by Dreamaticus

I had only volunteered to review a couple of papers, so it came as a shock to be told that everyone taking part in the compilation of the book was also expected to write a chapter on a relevant theoretical model of their choosing.

I explained to the old professor that I couldn’t possibly do this. Media and Cultural Studies was not my core area of expertise. In any case, I was retired. He reluctantly agreed that I had a point, then invited me with CS to follow him into the lift and to the bar for a drink.

I agreed to join them. First though, I just wanted to collect a couple of colleagues.

Of course, the three of us got lost on the way to the bar. We ended up on a university campus in a huge Canadian city that was served by the best public transport system ever. You could cross the entire city by bus in just 6 minutes.

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Rumoured death of Canadian boyfriends 1 and 2 (Rousse)

Posted on May 27, 2025 by Dreamaticus

I was passed from one Canadian young man to another. It was as if the second had asked the first if he could borrow a bag of sugar.

This was such a disappointment. I had become quite attached to Canadian boyfriend number 1. In fact, I almost believed that this tall, dark super-fit man might be my life partner. I now understood, however, that I should probably have classed him as ‘out of my league’.

Canadian boyfriend number 2 – fairer, shorter, and without the washboard six-pack of his predecessor – would have to do. Despite his shortcomings, however, I was confident that I would learn to love him.

The two men house-shared with three young women, also Canadian. I got on really well with them all. I visited their house frequently, and we often socialised together.

Early in the relationship with Canadian boyfriend number 2, the six of us walked through the park down to the docks. When I sat down for a rest at the side of the road, a couple of people threw their spare change at my feet. In the time that it took to explain that I was a well-educated British woman with a decent salary and not a beggar, my Canadian friends had all disappeared.

I was later reunited with the three young women, but the men were lost forever. I later heard a rumour that they had fallen down a ravine in the mountains and died.

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Is Olly Murs coming for dinner? (Rousse)

Posted on May 25, 2025 by Dreamaticus

There were several areas set out for dining in the canteen.

I first found a table with AA-D. He had placed only two jam tarts on his plate for his main meal of the day. When I questioned this, he explained that it was very difficult living on £14,000 a year.

Later, I went downstairs to see who else was eating there that evening. Here my former colleague, and newly promoted Assistant Principal, GH was in a complete flap. They’d laid out a table as if for Christmas dinner to welcome a selection of pop stars.

The big question was whether or not Olly Murs would turn up after his disastrous concert of two nights before, when he left the stage after only twenty minutes?

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Dreadful driving with the Bay City Rollers in Birmingham (Rousse)

Posted on May 25, 2025 by Dreamaticus

I was a terrible driver anyway, but when the accelerator of the huge Ford Granada got stuck to the floor as I drove through Birmingham, I was in big trouble. I had no option but to steer the car wherever there was space in the road. At one point, this meant anti-clockwise around a massive roundabout.

Eventually I could feel the car drain itself of fuel. I managed to bring it to a halt at the side of a dual carriageway, not far from a police station. I climbed out of the vehicle and dialled 111. Before I had even had a chance to speak to the operator, six armed police officers surrounded me. The women looked fearsome at the front, proudly displaying rifles over their bare six packs.

The police immediately began a search of the car. I was embarrassed at the amount of biscuit crumbs across the front passenger seat. I also hoped that they would understand that the Bay City Rollers mat on the floor at the back had been placed there for a joke.

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A home in the Pentland Hills and a bad tempered husband (Rousse)

Posted on May 18, 2025 by Dreamaticus

High in the Pentland Hills, we moved to a lovely large bungalow with beautiful views of the city of Edinburgh in the distance. The one drawback was that our new house was underneath a pylon and several criss-crossing electricity cables.

I could have been happier there if my husband hadn’t been so bad tempered. His latest gripe was that I was wasting my time baking a fresh lemon meringue pie when there was a perfectly adequate leftover slice in the freezer. Surely that ‘would do’ for our next set of guests?

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A helicopter ride and Prince William’s patchwork Harris Tweed flat cap (Rousse)

Posted on May 17, 2025 by Dreamaticus

The big treat at BR’s decade-late retirement party was a helicopter ride for his closest colleagues. Since I’d worked with him for a decade and a half from the late 1990s until mid twenty-teens, I was welcomed aboard as one of the passengers.

I don’t remember much about the flight. When I came to, all alone in BR’s kitchen, I recalled boarding the helicopter with the others and could feel a lingering sense of terror. However, I couldn’t account for the time between our departure and return.

When BR’s wife walked into the kitchen, she explained that I had knocked myself out while shrieking and screaming mid-air – so much so that the entire trip had to be cut short.

I followed her into the sitting room to face the others. My presence cast an obvious shadow over the gathering. However, I was grateful to learn that RL looked after me when I took my funny turn.

Back in the kitchen again, BR’s wife pointed to a couple of cardboard boxes that were crammed with ‘junk’ that BR had brought home after he cleared his office on campus in 2015. She said that he would never look at the contents again, and that I was welcome to anything I fancied.

First I slipped some commemorative £2 coins into my pocket. Then I spotted Prince William’s patchwork Harris Tweed flat cap and Prince Harry’s woollen beanie. The former was definitely coming home with me. I left Prince Harry’s cast-off behind; anything associated with him was now worthless.

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The fate of Hostage John (Rousse)

Posted on May 16, 2025 by Dreamaticus

JG and I relived our student days of 1982 with a trip from Paris to the Middle East. TPR joined us to help find the old lecture theatre that used to double up as a party venue. It seemed to be a popular place to visit by former students, and many others. I squeezed past a couple of people to find myself a place behind one of the long desks.

Not long after taking my seat, I heard someone call out my name. I was summoned to the front of the lecture theatre and told to stand next to the five other people selected for ‘the task’.

An official gave each of us a gauze bag and two red and white striped balls. The balls were labelled ‘Yes’ and ‘No’. Those charged with the task then had to consider whether or not Hostage John should be released. If we thought this a good idea, we should put the ‘Yes’ ball into the gauze bag. If not, then we should submit the ball labelled ‘No’.

I had no idea of the identity of Hostage John, but the thought of anyone being held against their will was enough for me to pick up my ‘Yes’ ball. Just as I was about to drop it into my gauze bag the other five in the group brought my proposed action to a halt. What I didn’t know was that if John were released, the whole town would be bombed. John needed to be sacrificed for the greater good. I changed my mind and dropped the ‘No’ ball into my bag.

I didn’t hear for certain whether or not John was released because I was hunting for the women’s toilets when the outcome of the task was announced. SC had given me the wrong directions and I spent several hours lost wandering the long corridors all by myself.

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A lost white Volvo, a 10K race, and a needy husband (Rousse)

Posted on May 14, 2025 by Dreamaticus

My sisters argued that my mother’s white Volvo would look good in her care home car park. I refused to move it there. In any case, I had no idea where it was.

I also had other things on my mind, such as a 10k run. I arrived late to join the other runners in the second ‘slow’ wave. I dumped my bag of gravel at the side of the road and my yellow cardigan over a low wall, then took my place next to the man who was leading the warm-up exercises. Casting a glance at the other competitors, it looked like I would have a good chance of being placed in this race.

Meanwhile TPR was really annoying me due to his neediness. His latest complaint was that he couldn’t find any ingredients in the kitchen cupboards.

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Two double beds, four American exchange students, and an older woman (Rousse)

Posted on May 10, 2025 by Dreamaticus

I soon guessed WB’s plan when she invited me to spend the day with her at her ex-husband AB’s house in the country: matchmaking. I willingly made the visit with her, but also insisted afterwards that the pair of us leave the house together.

Apart from anything else, I needed to get back to University to finish my biology degree. I elected to live on campus in my final year, and was looking forward to seeing my new room. It came as a surprise to find two double beds squeezed into the tiny space, plus three American exchange students at the door ready to move in with me.

I asked if the one boy in the group would share the slightly larger bed with me, leaving the smaller one for the girls. He refused. It seemed that the prospect of sleeping with a young female threesome was a more attractive option to him.

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The first cuckoo of Spring (Belle)

Posted on May 9, 2025 by Dreamaticus

My tiny home was being ‘cuckooed’ – every day more people that I didn’t know were moving in and it seemed my ex boyfriend was the instigator. I eventually snapped when I realised that someone had secretly replaced my step ladder – this was going too far.

Fortunately I remembered I had a secret – and much better – house around the corner.

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