Author Archives: Dreamaticus

Fear of the French past historic tense (Rousse)

This was a University reunion with a difference: as part of the ‘celebrations’, we were all to sit the final year French essay exam. How could I possibly do this? The only graduates capable of such a feat would be … Continue reading

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A bumper garlic crop at the Annual Alien Horticulturists’ Convention (Rousse)

‘Hey, look at the size of that garlic head!’ I urged the rest of the family. ‘These aliens certainly know how to grow a bumper crop.’ They weren’t real aliens. Rather, they were keen gardeners who liked to dress up … Continue reading

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Mishaps in Mallaig (Rousse)

After dropping the dog off in Perth, the three of us headed north and west for Mallaig, and our onward journey to the Hebrides. This was to be a special treat for my former colleague TF, who had never seen … Continue reading

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Saved by Sherlock (Belle)

I had been framed and imprisoned for a massive jewel heist but was broken out of prison by Sherlock Holmes.

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Andy Warhol and a life-changing packet of crisps (Belle)

I had won a place at a prestigious university in New York alongside Andy Warhol and Gary Numan. I had failed to prepare for my first day and got hopelessly lost on an antiquated subway system, arriving late for my … Continue reading

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Blind man shrinks in well (Rousse)

The black Labrador barked frantically above the well opening. Beneath him his blind owner was drowning. We managed to pull the man out of the water. He was alive, but had shrunk to the size of a doll.

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Playing pig games with David Mitchell (Rousse)

David Mitchell and a bunch of friends walked into the games room just at the point that we were to start play. I knew that it would be much more fun for our two parties to join forces at the … Continue reading

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Moral opposition to second homes (Rousse)

Setting off on a hill walk in yellow Crocs was a bad idea, but not as stupid as buying a modern three storey house on a remote Scottish island with an unpronounceable name that sounded like a sneeze. We’d only … Continue reading

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Ghost walking with Steve Pemberton (Belle)

My life was now the plot of a 1970s thriller. As yet unknown enemies had sunk my small boat in the harbour and I was back on land, attempting to blend in with the customers of an organised ghost walk … Continue reading

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