I promised TPR that I would join him in the sea, but first I needed to console CI. With further news of the murder at the Scottish Parliament in Holyrood the previous night, we were shocked to learn that the victim was her sister.

Then it was time for me to visit the immense academic library. There at the photocopier I started up a conversation with a man who attempted to queue-jump.

‘Are you single?’ he asked me.

‘Yes’, I replied, covering up the engagement, wedding and eternity rings on my left hand, such was my eagerness for the excitement of a ‘hot date’.

Of course, this was a ridiculous thing to do. I lost my enthusiasm for any form of romantic encounter as soon as I saw my new ‘boyfriend’ at close quarters. His physique was a huge disappointment.