For months we had been gathering online to assess the health of academic research in the UK. At last we were meeting face-to-face to undertake the next tranche of work – dressed in horrible pastel-coloured pyjamas. The women looked particularly bad. Who had advised them that baby pink brushed cotton looked good on the middle-aged and overweight?

I joined the group rather late. This was because I thought that I had left my written assessment notes in Tesco. They were, in fact, in my red Peugeot 205.

My lateness meant that I didn’t have the chance to ensure that everyone used the updated version of the assessment form. I was rather annoyed when I realised that the instruction to use this new document had been completely ignored.