Struggling to rejoin the Camino Português por la costa (Rousse)

Gathered together in Porto at their annual conference to discuss the nature of being, a clutch of Finnish philosophers welcomed me into their company. They gave me protection from the bullies whose insults referred to my stupidity of flying home, and then back to Porto, in the middle of my pilgrimage by bike along the Camino Português por la costa.

While listening to the Finns’ discussions, I was frantically trying to pinpoint the location of TPR and the rest of the party (now in Spain), and work out a way of reaching them to rejoin the ride. It did not help that I struggled to contact TPR by phone, and that every conversation we managed cut short at a critical moment.

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Apple Mac con man scam (Rousse)

I should have trusted my instincts when the man struck up a conversation with me at the bridge. Instead, I gave him the benefit of the doubt and fell for his charm. Before long I was lifting up the screen of my Mac to show him examples of my work. Spending so much time with this charismatic stranger risked my being late to check into my hotel and meet my fellow delegates, but I was enjoying myself too much to notice.

When I finally met them, I found that my conference colleagues were mainly American PhD students. We all got on well, sharing a common room, with our individual bedrooms nearby. It was a successful event for all – until it was time to leave.

When I started to pack my belongings in the common room, I noticed that my Mac looked different. It had somehow shrunk. Then, when I switched it on, I discovered that the hard drive had been wiped and my files were gone!

I chased along the hotel corridors until I found the man from the bridge. He showed no remorse when he told me that he had worked with his wife to steal all my data. Then he had switched my larger, more expensive laptop for his old tiny one. There was nothing that I could do to retrieve my property.

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Sci-fi at the Four Seasons hotel and an abandoned bike (Rousse)

The short cycle ride to Waverley station was torturous. From Broughton Street I was diverted onto a narrow, and almost unnavigable, forest track. I dumped the bike, then continued on foot to the Four Seasons hotel. Here thousands of sci-fi fans were packed into the conference centre.

By this time I was half an hour late to meet by brother-in-law RH. I also began to feel some regret about the bike that I had abandoned. It was not my own, but one of my sister’s most precious possessions.

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A dubious passage to Porto (Rousse)

TPR was determined to revisit Porto. I couldn’t afford to miss yet another weekend at home, so I did my best to persuade him that a return trip to Portugal so soon after our last was not worth the effort, expense, and time.

His response was to invite WB to travel with him instead of me. Now I had no option but to join him.

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Given away by a Teesside accent (Rousse)

JC retrained as a London cabbie. I only found out when I jumped in her taxi one day.

Her hair was dark again and her teeth bigger, but the big giveaway was her Teesside accent.

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Humpty Dumpties take up residence in run-down farm house (Rousse)

I pushed open the back door of my cousins’ farm house and walked into the kitchen. There several members of my extended family were seated at the kitchen table, but only one greeted me: TB with a low groan. I slapped him in the face, then rushed up the stairs. I could hear TB behind me muttering ‘She acts as if she owns this place’. The problem – at least for him – was that I did.

The staircase was in a terrible state, covered in junk that belonged elsewhere. It was also falling apart. I could lift the handrail clean off the balusters. I reminded myself to arrange for my former colleague NU to come and fix it.

I was in dread when I opened the door of the bedroom that I shared with my sisters, but it wasn’t as bad as I feared. As expected, there were clothes strewn across the floor and beds unmade. The big surprise was that a family of Humpty Dumpties had taken up residence on one of the beds.

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Horse riding on a Berwickshire beach (Rousse)

AW and I rode from Edinburgh to the Berwickshire coast. We risked our lives – and those of our horses – travelling along the busy A1.

At the end of our journey, AW struggled to persuade her mount to clamber up the sand dunes to reach the shore. I steered my own horse a short way along the road to a gap on the sand and soon joined everyone else on the packed beach.

I lost AW when she set off to paddle in the cold North Sea.

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A woolly drink and a woolly case of mistaken identity (Rousse)

I made a ‘lovely’ hot drink for TPR. The ingredients comprised hot water, coffee granules, raw sugar, a twist of mustard embroidery silk, and two balls of rusty brown wool.

Later, I thought that I had found the lost green jumper that I had knitted for TPR in the mid-1980s: a former external work colleague was wearing this treasured garment at a meeting! The wearer willingly handed over the jumper for me to pass on to its rightful owner. However, when we saw the Marks and Spencer label stitched into its seam, we realised that this was a woolly case of mistaken identity.

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Protecting Prince Harry from tiny footprints and an assassination attempt (Rousse)

Prince Harry was about to be presented to the public dressed in a suit covered in tiny silvery footprints up the right leg – and it was all my fault. I’d left his suit lying across my bed, then let a five year-old, who had been foot-painting, run across it. The only way to put this right was for me to hold Prince Harry still as I peeled the prints away from the cloth.

A little later, I noticed that our hosts had placed Prince Harry on the top tier of the small stadium. There he was, joking and taking selfies with my father-in-law – and a perfect target for snipers. I needed to relay a message as fast as possible to the organisers: that they needed to move our guest of honour down the stadium, or risk an assassination attempt.

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The crop crusher (Rousse)

The main role in my new job was to drive a tractor through the fields and crush crops.

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