This was a truly amazing revelation. Not only did my mother have a boyfriend, but he was a multi-millionaire. He had just sold his music business and was looking forward to a life of leisure with my mother alongside him.
Infuriated, I determined to make my ‘frothing foam’ business a success.
I was tall sandy-haired boy. Although still only 15 I had been entrusted to undertake surveillance at the new cafe on Hilly Fields. Sipping a vanilla milkshake I saw a middle-aged man pushing a tea trolley. By dropping my napkin, and stooping down to the floor to retrieve it, I was able to see that he had attached three Domestos bottles full of chemical weapons to the underside of the trolley with black tape.
I stood up and denounced him. He immediately attempted to throttle me, but having failed that we sat down together and ate baked potatoes.
I pushed open the tiny bathroom door. Behind it stood a French student and his racing bike. I frowned at the dirty tyre marks on the white-tiled floor.
“What on earth are you doing here?” I asked.
“I had nowhere else to hide from this dratted Diamond Jubilee”, he replied.
“I think you’ll find that the Jubilee celebrations are now all over”, I informed him. “Don’t you mean the Olympic Torch?”
Such was my haste to accept the invitation to work again with JB and his team that I didn’t have time to dress properly for the mission. I hoped that nobody would notice that I was wearing my purple fleece pyjamas.
As JB took us through the next set of instructions he thanked us for our previous efforts, making special mention of my brother’s contribution. This time we would be working in the woods. At one point he almost revealed how the MI6 recruitment and selection processes force candidates to make a decision over whether or not to commit a crime to secure the job. Only those who do so get through to the next stage.
I realised at the break that my affection for JB was becoming a little too obvious to the others so I left the tea room early, pushed past the mass of Japanese tourists lined up in the corridor queuing for a plane, and went shopping for an Easter egg in Woolworths as a surprise for TPR.
Kate Humble left Springwatch to set up a brewing business. You could hardly miss the news. Her beaming face, framed by a cascade of blond curls, looked out from the front cover of every lifestyle magazine on sale in the corner shop.
I wished that someone had warned us. TPR, G, J and I had no idea of this strange Scandinavian practice. Now we faced a night in a Swedish bed and breakfast in a shared single bedroom with all the other guests.
Mighty Mouse screeches over the carpet at top speed. Whenever he hits a piece of furniture he bursts into several pieces revealing all his electronic innards. This is the toy to buy for Christmas 2012!
You can easily reassemble Might Mouse in seconds, and he will happily to set off round the room again. You should also test out his two two special talents. First, he can climb up the leg of anyone wearing a skirt and make his way under all her clothing to pop out again at her neckline. Second, if you place him on a table (preferably from Ikea) he’ll spin over it several times using his dusting feature – just the thing for busy housewives!
At £25 a pop from Argos and Amazon, Mighty Mouse is the coolest Christmas present ever. I’ll be buying one for every member of my family this Christmas.
It was the hottest news on campus. Just returned from holiday, I handed in my notice. By complete coincidence my boss did exactly the same. She agreed to another three months in post, whilst I would be out of the door within 4 weeks.
I finally got my hands on a camera with a decent telephoto lens. I used it to photograph all the dogs – including the big black one with the pink rinse, and the shaggy hound who could transform himself from dog to middle-aged man at will.
Dreamaticus 