Death by double knitting (Rousse)

Posted on September 15, 2019 by Dreamaticus

The members of my old running group were gathering in the gym. When I spotted the SEB joking with them I found it it very difficult to resist the urge to strangle her with a length of purple double knitting wool.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Drug dealing in Dublin (Rousse)

Posted on September 12, 2019 by Dreamaticus

Seated in the back of the car to the left of me, JS asked why she would not be joining the book group trip to Dublin. I found it hard to believe that she had forgotten all about her forthcoming hospital visit, but kindly reminded her of her knee operation. Meanwhile I was trying to shrug off NI to my right as he attempted to put his left arm around my shoulders.

In the city of Dublin itself I was astonished by the enduring poverty of the city’s residents, who were crammed into medieval slum housing. Those lucky enough to have any cash were queuing outside the most famous shop in Dublin: an Eastern bazaar run from the top of a tower block by a beautiful Arab dressed in multi-coloured silks. I worried that the fancy goods on offer might be a front for more sinister trading activities.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Revolting book group grub (Rousse)

Posted on September 10, 2019 by Dreamaticus

The meal was a complete disaster. I should never have volunteered to bring food that I had cooked at my own house to JS’s flat to serve to my book group companions.

Somehow in transit the pork chop suey had toughened into a chewy, flavourless stew, and the little fruit puddings (admittedly found at the bottom of my mother’s fridge) were absolutely revolting. In addition it all took an age to serve – so much so that everyone else had finished and cleared the table by the time that I was ready to eat myself.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

All migrate to Aberdeen (Rousse)

Posted on September 10, 2019 by Dreamaticus

I visited Aberdeen as part of preparations for my job move at the start of the new academic year. Including other staff, AM introduced me to the departmental chickens. I looked forward to tending a coop of my own as part of my new three day a week contract.

We also discussed the latest rumour that virtually every prominent academic in our field had been tempted to take up posts in the granite city. Temporary accommodation would be in high demand, but I knew that I would always be welcome to lodge with VAE and CM.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Reader held hospital hostage (Rousse)

Posted on September 8, 2019 by Dreamaticus

For a change, the book group members met for Sunday lunch. MH offered her sparse flat as the venue, even though she could not attend herself. JS’s sister took MH’s place, holding her head in her hands whenever death was mentioned.

At the time MH was being held hostage in a nearby hospital, possibly by NY. We had one clue to her whereabouts: a slip of paper that mentioned a plastic chair, and envelope and a dark long-haired wig. What did this mean, and which one of us was brave enough to attempt a rescue?

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Fighting Fatty in a field (Rousse)

Posted on September 7, 2019 by Dreamaticus

One minute I was sleeping on a bean bag in a departure lounge of Schiphol airport next to LE and GE. It was so comfortable, but how had we managed to make travel arrangements that required an overnight stay in the Netherlands?

Next I was in rural America driving into the mountains on the recommendation of RB. I was lucky that there was no other traffic on the road as I travelled up the left hand lane.

At the top of the pass, in a field full of enormous daisies, I encountered a somewhat threatening overweight woman. I had no means of defending myself against her, so I called her ‘Fatty’ and ran away. For ages afterwards I felt incredibly guilty for being so rude.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Conference paper submissions and a chicken breast (Rousse)

Posted on September 6, 2019 by Dreamaticus

Head of department JH hauled six of us into his office. He was furious that the PhD students had ‘stupidly’ submitted their draft conference paper submissions for peer review to unworthy colleagues in a ‘nutty evangelical gay Methodist’ further education college in Finland.

I argued against JH’s cruel accusation, citing IH’s employment at this institution as an indicator of its reputable status. GW spoke up to support me, then popped a frozen chicken breast into the office microwave for her supper.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Silly sticker selection process (Rousse)

Posted on September 5, 2019 by Dreamaticus

The selection process for the prized appointment was so ridiculous that I decided to withdraw my application.

Surely they could have come up with something more challenging than asking the candidates to make up stories based on the assembly of stickers on a sheet of paper (or, in my case, the back of a white A5 envelope)?

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Jeremy Corbyn goes green (Rousse)

Posted on September 4, 2019 by Dreamaticus

I was Jeremy Corbyn’s wardrobe mistress. This season he would be wearing dark green cotton shirts.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Jimmy Savile student beater (Rousse)

Posted on September 2, 2019 by Dreamaticus

It was with horror that I discovered that my new PhD student’s second supervisor was Jimmy Savile. The student had already suffered his first beating at the hands of this fiend. How on earth could I protect him?

My only hope of help was to consult DM, the wisest academic in my circle of friends.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment