US citizenship test queries in Colorado (Rousse)

Posted on October 12, 2019 by Dreamaticus

The train set off in the wrong direction – or rather we had joined the west-bound train to Hawaii via Texas, rather the service heading east.

We managed to alight at the first stop in rural Colorado, where it was snowing. As TPR wandered up the platform to check for a service that would take us to our final destination, I searched through my suitcase to find some warmer clothes.

Suddenly I sensed a presence behind me. I turned to find a greasy-looking man observing me as I pulled on a grey jumper. He asked me questions about the US citizenship test, but I knew that his real intention was to attack me.

How loud could I scream, and would TPR hear my call for help?

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A kid’s Skype eye test (Rousse)

Posted on October 12, 2019 by Dreamaticus

Having given up on the optician, BC asked me and TPR to test the eyesight of her son N.

Over Skype, it was rather difficult to persuade him to identify which of the black lines were more distinct (in the green circle or the red one?), especially when he was completely absorbed in the book that he was reading.

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Helicopter hillside deaths (Rousse)

Posted on October 6, 2019 by Dreamaticus

TPR successfully piloted the helicopter high into the hills. Then suddenly – on landing – we detected a problem. The engine stuttered as if the fuel tank had run dry.

When we lifted into the air for a second time, we travelled just a few metres over a cliff edge before the engine cut out completely. We plunged forwards to fall to our deaths.

I pitied our parents and everyone else who would mourn us.

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An 11.5 stone sister (Rousse)

Posted on October 3, 2019 by Dreamaticus

I should not have encouraged my sister J onto the scales. At eleven and a half stone, she was not happy.

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Amazon suede jacket scam (Rousse)

Posted on October 3, 2019 by Dreamaticus

I received email confirmation that my newly-purchased suede jacket had been delivered to an address in Bedfordshire.

This puzzled me – until I spotted the email address on the order: ‘duped@amazon.co.uk’.

So that was £75 down the drain.

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Cholera risk on transatlantic flights (Rousse)

Posted on October 2, 2019 by Dreamaticus

My entire family was flying to New York: mother, father and all three daughters (although my little sister was yet to put in an appearance). I arranged for us to travel in the greatest comfort: by king size bed.

As soon everyone was comfortable under the covers, I picked up the in-flight magazine. The glossy pages were covered in sparkly grains that looked sugar or salt. I did not see the printed warning before I scraped some of the substance off the pages to taste it.

The grains were already burning through my mouth when I read of the risk of contracting cholera. I turned to my father (the vet) mouthing the word ‘Water’. None could be found.

My only comfort was to pet a small grey Staffordshire bull terrier puppy that jumped up on to our bed – until it wet the sheets. This was going to be a very long and uncomfortable journey.

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Sand pit charity bid (Rousse)

Posted on September 29, 2019 by Dreamaticus

For 48 hours RJH sat in a pit, buried up to his neck in sand. This was his way of raising money for charity.

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Sunset chasing and the biggest divorce settlement in history (Rousse)

Posted on September 27, 2019 by Dreamaticus

Many tourists had booked into the west-facing Hebridean hotel specifically to catch the amazing sunsets. There was a spectacular one predicted the next Wednesday and, on the basis of this knowledge, many people had extended their holiday on the Isle of Lewis.

Towards the end of the afternoon I was at the top of the beach and just about to change into my bikini when I noticed the early reddening of the sky. I grabbed my camera, bade a quick farewell to TPR and our holiday companions, and ran all the way down to the water’s age. The closer to the shore, the better the photograph.

Afterwards I walked all the way to Stornoway with the intention of catching a ferry to a more remote island to watch the full sunset. When I calculated that there was not time to do so, I climbed into a pick-up truck taxi at the filling station for a ride back to the hotel.

I was surprised to find TPR on the back seat of the taxi, upset that I had abandoned him earlier and annoyed that I had missed dinner at the hotel. I soon distracted him by asking him about a breaking news story about the biggest divorce settlement in history.

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Hugh Grant returns (Rousse)

Posted on September 26, 2019 by Dreamaticus

Hugh Grant was back in town.

His  time was short, but he knew his priorities – to spend the afternoon with me and JK on the lower floor of the conference venue. Those busy working upstairs had no idea.

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Garden help and a yellow jacket (Rousse)

Posted on September 25, 2019 by Dreamaticus

DH made two trips to Edinburgh before taking up his new post. Although these were supposedly for house-hunting, I was delighted when he started weeding our garden and – at his own expense – planted out some new flowers and shrubs. I invited him to a bonfire night party as a thank you.

Meanwhile LM paraded around the garden in her latest sale bargain: a shiny bright yellow padded jacket for winter wear.

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