It was my wedding day, but ‘my’ groom and best man were not yet fully prepared.

‘I need a photo of you for my wallet’ I nagged my husband-to-be. All he could come up with was a black and white head and shoulders portrait from the 1970s, torn from an old-fashioned photo album.

He also failed to deliver when I tested him on my vital statistics.

‘If you don’t up your game, the authorities will see straight through this sham marriage’, I complained. ‘I can only help so long as the pair of you are also prepared to put in an effort’.