I was recruited by the government to infiltrate a criminal ocean-bed-drilling enterprise run by some rather cliche east end villains.

My only way in was to join the ‘corps de cabaret‘ as a burlesque performer. Not only was this a steep learning curve, but I was also terrified of the long lift journey to the seabed.

Things got worse, when a small group of performers (including me) was taken to a room to be given special instructions about the ‘specialist performance requirements’ of Simon the gang leader.