When Charles, Prince of Wales challenged TPR to a game of darts, I wandered out into the damp garden.

The peace was interrupted when a woman ran across the terrace screaming ‘He’s dead, he’s dead, David is dead!’

Then a rook overhead diverted its course to swoop down to the lawn and attack a man who had been quietly standing on the grass.

From this I concluded (a) that Prince David had been murdered, and (b) that his assailant was known.