GG was so surprised to find me outside her house that she collapsed on the pavement in a heap before I even had a chance to greet her. When eventually she came too, she was delighted to meet me for the first time, although puzzled as to why I would be there, making changes to the whiteboard menu for the café next door. I confessed that I thought that the whiteboard belonged to her.

GG had little planned for the day, but now that I was here a whole schedule was required. We set off to by car find KJD at the waterside garden centre café. She was seated at a table, tipsy on white wine at 10:00am. This woman was clearly a drunkard, and much larger in ‘real life’ than I would have anticipated from her online profile.

When we walked back to the car (TPR carrying KJD) I spotted a young couple, fully clothed, in the water. They appeared to be hunting for something, but waded straight past the corpse of a golden retriever. How could they miss it? It was visible in the depths all the way from the shore.