I bumped into my old pal Princess Anne (the Princess Royal) in Jenners. TPR and I were there (having arrived by helterskelter slide) to purchase some large electrical goods. The Princess was rather confused by the layout of the shop, so I agreed to show her around.

Most other customers in the shop gave my royal friend a wide berth. However, a couple of over-excited teenagers could not contain themselves. One stuck her mobile phone in the princess’ face in an attempt to take a close-up photograph.

‘Please stop that. She’s not an animal in the zoo!’ I shouted.

The princess herself was very polite. She was full of apologies when she accidentally bumped into a woman in a wheelchair . I wondered whether this was because she had suffered a reputation for rudeness in the past, and wanted to be sure that no such stories ever reached the press again.

I left the princess on the ground floor of the shop so that I could return to TPR. I glanced back to check that she was OK and saw that she was deep in conversation with a short Asian man. I was astonished that she appeared to know XY quite intimately, and wondered what terrible things he might be telling her about me.