I located my Uncle J soon after I arrived in Australia. He was busy pulling up plants in the part of the bush that he called his garden.

“Get indoors!” he shouted in alarm, chasing after me.

I ran into the house. I’d never seen it before and was very surprised to discover that it was a beautiful modern building, sparsely furnished in a stylish minimalist fashion, with tasteful pieces of art dotted along the walls. This was so unlike my family. My aunt was there too. She kissed me on both cheeks, delighted that I had come to visit.

Holding up what looked like a 5 litre tin of paint, Uncle J was now able to explain the urgent need to get inside.

“You are too pale to wander around in the open in Australia. If you want the freedom to do this, we must first ensure that you are coated in Australian fake tan sunblock. I think we’ll have just enough in this tin. Please could you pass me that paintbrush?”