My run as the new female lead in Kev F Sutherland’s latest comedy and magic show had been going so well. I’d pulled in huge crowds at the football stadium. Some loyal fans returned night after night, mainly for the opportunity to take part in the geeky “prototype challenge” in the middle of the show where audience members were invited to help improve the previous night’s performance.

Everything changed the night that Kev’s original show-woman unexpectedly returned to open the act. Laura did her piece, and then I was meant to pick up where she left off. The problem was that I was incapable of this. When she left the stage I simply couldn’t remember what came next. I knew was that it was some kind of mime with a balloon followed by a joke, but that was it.

In a complete panic I ran up to the lighting desk to hunt down Kev and ask him for the script. All he could give me was a till receipt with a list scribbled on the back of it. Were these song titles, gags, or set names? I was none the wiser.

By the time I returned to the stage half the audience had left in disgust. In my place retired footballer Andy Gray had taken to the stage with his guitar to entertain those who remained.