S returned home to the White House from yet another bender. I cornered her in the upstairs kitchen and demanded that this outrageous behaviour stop. She eventually agreed to add some discipline to her life, and said that she would start by tidying her bedroom.

Of course these plans came to nothing. Within minutes one of S’s flaky friends came in through the kitchen skylight. The moment her feet touched the lino she transformed herself into a rag doll. S joined in the “fun”, taking on the form of a stuffed penguin. I now had two hopeless cases on my hands.