In a large hall in an American high school I was amused to see three students wearing Aston Villa shirts watching Match of the Day on a big screen. As I looked closer, I realised that the students had arranged themselves alphabetically by the English football team they were supporting. There were two Arsenal supporters and, oddly, more than fifteen Charlton Athletic shirts. Excited, I told the Villa fans I could get them match tickets “any time”. I was ashamed afterwards as not only was that a lie, but I had also omitted to tell them how awful Birmingham was and that they should avoid it at all costs.

As well as being a student at the high school I was also apprenticed to a ‘madam’ and was in training to become a high class escort. As part of the services offered to our clients, we provided a vending machine which had a collection of necklaces they could buy to give to ‘us girls’ prior to our dates. The more experienced girls had shaved their heads. This meant that all girls could be ‘blonde’ or ‘brunette’ depending on customer requirements and wig availability.