Mother and daughter Cosmopolitan cover girls (Rousse)

Posted on August 5, 2022 by Dreamaticus

Hidden in the pile of ancient copies of Cosmopolitan were three issues of particular interest. My mother – aged about 35 – featured as the magazine’s cover girl on two of them, and my sister S on the third. They both looked fabulous, but I had some questions:

  1. How had this come about?
  2. Why had I never known about this?
  3. What kind of magic went into the makeovers to transform my nearest and dearest into beauty queens?

My third question was answered by a photographer: clever lighting and camera angles.

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SWAT team descends on market in terrorist hunt (Rousse)

Posted on August 1, 2022 by Dreamaticus

I could easily take the safe route home past the university, alongside the privileged students. So why did I periodically abandon all caution to walk through the rough market, squeezing my way along the narrow streets in a crush of the poor and marginalised?

Not so that I could be gunned down by a SWAT team hunting down terrorists, as turned out to be the case on this occasion.

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A swing, a helicopter, and a sauna (Rousse)

Posted on July 31, 2022 by Dreamaticus

Even I was doubting the sense of my latest charity shop purchase: a plastic orange children’s swing set, just about the right size for a Barbie doll. The others at AH-S and CH-S’s vast house looked at me with pity when I showed it to them. CH-S offered a way out of the conversation by suggesting that we explore the garden.

First we walked past a large, yellow AA branded building with a helicopter parked outside. ‘We keep this on stand-by in case I get lost’ explained CH-S.

Then, as we walked to the main accommodation building, I noticed smoke coming up through the lawn. ‘Don’t worry’ said our hostess, ‘That’s just our underground sauna’.

Afterwards I looked after EH’s baby while she attended a work meeting in room C44 on campus.

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Drugs and Richard Dunbar (Rousse)

Posted on July 30, 2022 by Dreamaticus

A small red-headed man walked into my bed and breakfast room and pushed aside all the work that I had laid out on the desk. Who was he? How dare he? Thank goodness I had already ditched the drugs sewn into the seam of the duvet cover.

On the breast of his white, neatly-pressed, short-sleeved shirt, I noticed that the man was sporting a small metal badge that displayed the name Richard.

‘Are you Richard Dunbar?’ I asked.

‘No’, he answered ‘But I do enjoy hearing his financial reports on Radio 4 Today.’

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David Bowie imposter financial scam (Rousse)

Posted on July 27, 2022 by Dreamaticus

I couldn’t believe my luck when David Bowie befriended me on holiday. We sat at a picnic table in the sunshine to leaf through his sketchbook while discussing his musical influences. He was so caring that he even arranged for the secure storage of my bank and credit cards with his fortune in the personal safe in his hotel suite.

On my last day, I knew that I would miss my booked train at 12:30 if I lingered too long in Bowie’s company. However, I wanted to enjoy every possible last minute with my famous companion, so I rang TPR to tell him that I would return home later. In any case, I needed to retrieve my cards from the safe.

When I asked Bowie’s PA to fetch my belongings, he laughed in my face. My cards had been sold onto criminals who, in all probability, had already emptied every account.

How had I not realised that my ‘Bowie’ was a fake? How had I forgotten that David Bowie died in January 2016? How would I get home?

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Silver body graffiti (Rousse)

Posted on July 26, 2022 by Dreamaticus

I soon worked out that TPR had been up to no good on New Year’s Eve – thanks to the messages in silver body ink that his new lover had penned across his impressive torso.

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Wonders of the Walkman (Rousse)

Posted on July 22, 2022 by Dreamaticus

I reminded myself of the wonders of the Walkman when I borrowed a white one to relive the excitement of my first encounter with personal audio technology in the early 1980s – notably the weight of the device and the hiss of C90 tapes.

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Bored by Donald Trump (Rousse)

Posted on July 22, 2022 by Dreamaticus

I was so bored with the discussion of Donald Trump that I left the conversation by floating above everyone from a new position just beneath the ceiling.

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A private island and missing fortune (Rousse)

Posted on July 17, 2022 by Dreamaticus

CO and AM had gone for the upmarket version of the holiday. While we were stuck at the resort with everyone else, they hired their own private island (maximum occupancy 3), and came over by yacht to join the rest of us whenever they wanted to partake in any organised activities.

The holiday was ruined when CO started arguing with me over £10,000 that I owed him for a research project. AM just shrugged her shoulders as each of us appealed to her to adjudicate our dispute. Meanwhile the rest of the holiday-makers were preparing for a day of scuba diving.

I left CO fuming, and abandoned any idea of fun with my friends for the day. I ended up walking the rainy streets of Edinburgh, completely unshod, wearing nothing but a thin T shirt and baggy track suit bottoms.

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Top hair trend 2022: eighteenth century wigs (Rousse)

Posted on July 15, 2022 by Dreamaticus

Belle and I admired one another in the mirror. Conferences were so much more fun now that eighteenth century headgear was all the rage.

We were most impressed when ET joined us, balancing on her head a tottering powdered Georgian wig, decorated all over with tiny red bows.

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